The Trust Factor
A daily lesson that focuses on achieving unparalleled success in life using ancient wisdom in modern times.
We will be discussing critical concepts as they are laid out in the book Sha'ar Habitachon - The Gate of Trust. Written 1000 years ago, the author reminds us of the values and wisdom that have allowed humanity to thrive throughout history.
The concept of trusting in a higher power that exists purely for our benefit, puts us in the drivers seat with absolute confidence to achieve greatness.
Eliminate: Fear, Hatred, Anxiety, Depression, Jealousy, Greed...forever!
* Note that some terminology will be in the original Hebrew or Aramaic which I will always follow with the English translation.
The Trust Factor
Episode 150 - Building Boulders, Not Snowflakes: The Trust Factor Way
Ever wonder why bribing your child with treats to eat their vegetables is actually good parenting? The Trust Factor podcast tackles the delicate art of disciplining children through immediate rewards and consequences—a practice grounded in ancient wisdom yet perfectly applicable to modern parenting challenges.
At the heart of this episode lies a profound understanding of child development. Children, like participants in the "Oreo cookie test," naturally choose immediate gratification over abstract future benefits. They simply cannot comprehend concepts like long-term character development or moral principles in the abstract. Rather than abandoning discipline altogether or expecting children to understand adult reasoning, effective parents create immediate, tangible reward systems that children can appreciate while gradually guiding them toward understanding the inherent value of good behavior.
This isn't about manipulation—it's compassion in its truest form. By meeting children at their developmental level and providing age-appropriate reasoning, parents fulfill their obligation to shape children into what the episode calls "boulders rather than snowflakes"—solid, dependable individuals with moral strength. The Hebrew concept of "mitoch shelo lishma, ba lishma" teaches that doing right things even for imperfect motives (like rewards) eventually leads to doing them for the right reasons. As children mature intellectually, their motivations naturally evolve from seeking external rewards to understanding internal value.
The podcast challenges the modern notion that parenting is primarily about friendship or that discipline is outdated. Instead, it offers a roadmap for intentional parenting that balances immediate motivation with long-term character development. Listen now to discover how these timeless principles can transform your approach to raising resilient, principled children who understand the greatest reward is becoming someone who makes the world better.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Trust Factor, the podcast that guarantees your success when we implement its divine, age-old teachings. We're back into the book we are discussing just to remind ourselves where we're holding. We're discussing the act of doing mitzvahs and understanding the consequences of the mitzvah, in other words, understanding reward and punishment. In order to understand it best, we have to read from the book. He's actually comparing it to a father who disciplines and raises a child, which is great, because right now you're about to get an old school lesson and raising your children the way that it used to be done. Obviously, there are pros and cons to understanding the way the physicality of it was, but the mindset is much more important. So let's read and understand.
Speaker 0:It says when a father wishes to begin to teach his son in his childhood the moral instructions with which the son can reach great heights, but the child at the time cannot yet comprehend and appreciate those future benefits. In other words, I'm a father and I want to raise my child. It's part of my obligation, it is my duty as a parent to put my child on the right path and to educate him. It is one of the most important principles we have as parents. So he says this is a young child, this is a child who is not yet mentally mature to understand the concepts we're about to teach him. So what does he say? He says the child at the time cannot yet comprehend and appreciate those future benefits. If the father would attempt to encourage him to devote himself to mastering these instructions by simply saying to him tolerate the difficulties of the disciplines and the instructions, because through them you will rise to treasured heights, the son would not be able to tolerate them. What's he saying? You cannot come to a kid who has no concept of reward and punishment in this world or in the next world, on a real scale, on an adult scale. You can't give a child adult concepts and expect them to understand it, to connect to it, to want to do the right thing based on information that they simply don't understand. They will fail.
Speaker 0:What does this take us back to? It takes us back to the Oreo cookie test, where you have the five-year-old sitting in front of you and you ask them what they prefer a couple of fresh Oreo cookies or $10,000 in cash. Every five-year-old should choose the cookies because that's what's important to them, that's what they understand. They have no concept of $10,000 and the potential for that $10,000 to buy them thousands more of these cookies. Let's continue, he says, says the son would not be able to tolerate them and would not listen to his father because he does not yet understand the future benefits.
Speaker 0:But if, instead, the father promises to reward his son for his effort with something that he can enjoy right away, ie the oreo cookies, such as tasty food or drink or a nice garment or a means of transportation? Today, you know, take your kid shopping. I'm going to buy you whatever the newest trend is or the fashion is, that's going to be your reward. Or I'm going to buy you a car, that's going to be your reward. Right, these are modern day examples of the way that we can. It actually is bribing in the sense your child to say if you do the right thing, you will get something. That is reward and punishment. But we have to make it so that the kid understands and appreciates what's on the line. So something they like, like food, good tasting food or a garment, take them out to their favorite restaurant or something similar, another similar form of immediate benefit.
Speaker 0:And the father at the same time, he says, threatens him with some sort of consequence, because we can't just give them their reward side. It's not all roses right. If they do something wrong, they have to understand there's a negative consequence. So you have to explain to him also that there needs to be a threat with a consequence that will cause him immediate distress, not in the future. You can't talk to him about punishment in another world. You can't talk to him about punishment in another world. You can't talk to him about punishment even decades later. Kids don't understand this concept. So you have to explain to him something that applies to him today. If he does not apply himself properly today, this is the punishment or the negative consequence today, such as God forbid, leaving him hungry, right or insufficiently clothed here he says, or striking him.
Speaker 0:But we've said today these things aren't necessary. I'm sure if you tried hard you might find the scenario where you have a kid who is out of line and the only thing that they understand is physicalities. But today in general, by and large it's not necessary by most people it's simply not necessary and we've talked about that in the past or other similar punishments, he says, and at the same time he needs to encourage the child with logical reasoning that he is able to accept from among the tangible proofs and obvious and clear evidence of what mastering these teachings is in fact beneficial, of why it's beneficial, then it will be easier for the child to endure the difficulty of the discipline we have to discipline our children. It is not always easy. It is often very difficult.
Speaker 0:My friends, a big part of the reason why society suffers today and we have what's called the snowflake generation is because parents refuse to do these things. Parents refuse to step up and play the role of parent. It's not all games, it's not all fun, it's not about being your child's best friend. It's important to have a friendship with your children, but, more importantly, it's your job to educate them and to discipline them. You've been around. You understand principles and concepts that they don't understand.
Speaker 0:I've given the example before of telling our children to eat their food. We want them to eat their vegetables along with the meat, but the children always leave the vegetables aside. They're not interested, they just want the tasty stuff. And in order for us to get them to eat the meat, what are the vegetables? We have to bribe them that we're going to buy them their toy. We're going to buy them something that they like. That's how we do it. It's immediate gratification. The child has to understand positive consequences for doing this action. But at the end of the day, who benefits from the child eating their vegetables? The child, it's not the parent. The parent doesn't benefit from a child eating their vegetables. The child does. They just don't understand the concept of nutrition. They don't understand the concept of balanced diets. So we have to do things, whatever it takes, to be able to get that kid to eat healthily. So that is part of this concept of discipline. The same thing applies when it comes to behavior, to doing the mitzvahs, to conducting themselves in a way that is beneficial for them and avoiding negative behaviors. We have to use these same kinds of bribes as a way to get them.
Speaker 0:Now there's a saying in hebrew, mashiach, which means that if you're doing a mitzvah, even for the wrong purpose, you're you're conducting yourself in a way that you should be, but you're not doing it because you understand that that's the right way to conduct yourself. You're doing it because there is a reward. You're doing it for the wrong reason. You shouldn't be doing the right things for a reward. You should be doing them because they are the right things to do. But the Torah tells you that even if you're doing these things because of the reward, it's okay. Why doing these things because of the reward it's okay? Why? Because in doing them for the wrong reasons, eventually you will come to do them for the right reasons, and he addresses that right now. I believe let's read into it.
Speaker 0:He says then, when he reaches the maturity and his intellect becomes more developed, he will be able to understand the true purpose of that discipline and its inherent value and will apply his efforts with this purpose in mind. At that stage, the pleasant treats of food and the like that he had been chasing at the outset will become less important in his eyes, for he will have progressed from learning for a petty material reward to learning for the sake of becoming a better person. Thus is the approach of the father. My friends, that is exactly what we need to be doing. He says that is actually compassion. That is how somebody has compassion towards his child by educating them, by giving them reason and logic, by treating them like intellectual individuals, people who are capable of breathing and thinking and rationalizing, instead of just trying to be their friends or just being disciplinarians and being violent alphabet.
Speaker 0:We have to understand that our children are normal thinking, breathing, rationalizing individuals, and we need to explain to them, although on their terms, why they have to do the things that are good and avoid the things that are bad, and when they do that, even though they're doing it to either reap the reward or avoid the punishment today. Eventually they will grow, eventually they will mature and their minds will mature and they will start to understand that you were actually doing them a favor by bribing them with the things that they like and scaring them from the things that they hate in order to help them, that it was all for their benefit. They will understand that being a good person and making this world a better place is the greatest reward possible and that, even though they were doing it for petty rewards before, that all changes today and they have a different mindset and clarity. Going forward, you become the person who fashions your child into becoming what we call a mensch, which is a human being, somebody worthy of calling themselves a human being and conducting themselves in that fashion. My friends, this is the recipe to creating a utopia.
Speaker 0:If parents in the world would understand these principles and these concepts and apply them with their children, my friends, we wouldn't have a snowflake generation. We would have a rock of of a generation. We would have a boulder of a generation that is immovable and solid and that you could lean on and rely on. Unfortunately, we're not there today, but that can change. If we all do what's necessary, have an amazing day. We'll continue tomorrow.
