Episode 100 - How To Be The Only Adult In The Room

The world keeps getting louder, but your life gets better when your values get clearer. We sit down with Jessy Revivo for a direct, practical run through Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) and the kind of Torah wisdom that actually changes how you walk into a room, handle pressure, and choose the people you learn from.

We unpack sharp lines that don’t let us hide behind personality or excuses: why a lack of wisdom and character makes someone careless with sin, why ignorance can’t produce real piety, and why a timid learner stays stuck because growth requires questions. Jessy also draws a hard line around teaching and coaching: impatience ruins the job, and obsession with business can quietly crowd out spiritual life, emotional health, and the time needed to become truly wise.

Then we push the ideas into everyday leadership. “In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man” becomes a challenge to step up when nobody else will, including the small but powerful practice of being the first to greet, make eye contact, and introduce yourself. The closing section moves into Garden of Emuna themes, using identical twins and radically different siblings to explore how actions shape outcomes, what a nishama is, and why reincarnation is framed as a return to repair what we didn’t fix.

If this helped you see your own growth edges more clearly, subscribe, share the episode with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the Trust Factor Podcast.

Transcript

Trust Factor Opening Message

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The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life.

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Trust factor.

Why Pirkei Avot Matters

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The world is louder and more chaotic than ever. That's why clarity and truth have never been more important. Welcome to the Trust Factor Podcast.

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Good morning, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Trust Factor Podcast. We're into Pirke Avot, the ethics of the fathers.

Brute Ignorance And Piety

Shyness Stops Learning And Growth

Patience In Teaching And Business

Step Up And Greet First

Twins Health Depends On Actions

Triplets Souls And Reincarnation

Closing Thoughts And Listener Requests

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It's just priceless information given to us by a loving father who recognizes that he put us in a place where we have to make our way, where we have to figure out the difference between right and wrong and good and bad. And more than that, he knows that the world is going to steer us in the wrong direction because it's run by human beings. And he knows that he gave human beings an evil inclination that makes them do things that they shouldn't do, including serving themselves or serving the wrong gods. And so in his wisdom, God said, Look, I'm not just going to drop you in this world and say, figure it out. I'm going to give you this beautiful manual that's going to tell you how to conduct yourself. And there is no better example of that than Pirkeavot, the ethics of the fathers. It is just absolutely brilliant. And I wish people spent more time learning it. So having said that, a few minutes on Pirkeavot, and then we'll get back into the book. Huaiel Merit says he used to say, A brute is not sin fearing. What's a brute? A brute is somebody who is in Hebrew called a boor. A boor is somebody who does not have wisdom nor good character traits. He's lacking on both fronts. It's the worst type of person you can imagine. Not only does he not have the Torah wisdom, but he also doesn't have good character traits. And what does it say? That person is not sin fearing. It makes sense. He doesn't know what to fear. He doesn't value the creator or his Torah. He doesn't understand that there are rules and regulations and that there are consequences to our actions, good and bad. And as a result of that, he simply doesn't fear sin. That's why you have to be aware of people who don't have proper Torah wisdom. And on top of that, negative character traits. You want to distance yourself from these types of people as much as possible if they're not willing to learn and grow. And then it says, Nor is an ignorant person pious. You can't be pious if you're ignorant. Ignorance is somebody who lacks knowledge. He doesn't know, simply doesn't know. He didn't learn, he was never taught. And as a result of that, he can't be a pious individual. What's a pious person? A pious is an upright, righteous individual, somebody who's very careful with his mitzvahs and the way that he treats other people. If you're an ignoramus, if you have no clue, which unfortunately today in this society, my friends, they are everywhere. Everybody speaks from a position of authority, but they know nothing. They're completely ignorant on the subject. And you could see as a result of that, especially in the leadership of the world, show me one who's a pious individual. Show me one, give me one politician, one world leader who is an upright, pious individual. And the reality is you'll come up empty-handed every single time. There's always exceptions, but by and large, it's very hard to find somebody who's an ignoramus who's also an upright person. They don't go together. Nor can a timid person learn. In Hebrew it says, Loha Bhishan Lamed, a Bhai Shun is somebody who's a shy person. If you're a super shy, introverted individual and you're coming to learn something new, the very fact that you are shy and timid and introverted and unwilling to speak out is going to affect your ability to learn properly. Why? Because when we learn, we have to ask questions. Judaism, the entire religion, is based on questions and answers. That's what our Gemara is. We are encouraged. Unlike many other religions and cults in the world, Judaism encourages its followers to ask questions. If something is not clear for you and you don't ask a question, you're missing out on the whole lesson. You're going to come away deficient. That's why it doesn't help you to be timid. It doesn't help you to be shy. You might say, but what can I do? How can I help it? This is who I am. This is how Hashem created me. Work on yourself. Develop yourself. Make sure that you go out of your comfort zone because that is where the growth happens. We talked about this when it came to the lobster, if you recall, about the fact that it outgrew its shell and it needs to get out of its comfort zone and develop that bigger shell so that it remains protected. If it stays in the confines of that limited space, it will die. That comfort is what will kill it. I know individuals who are depressed. And in their depression, they remain in their confines. They're so terrified of change that they're unwilling even to step outside. And it is that very unwillingness to change because they're so timid that brings them down and tears them apart. It kills them emotionally and mentally. That's why a timid person can't learn, which means he can't grow, because learning is growth. If you want to grow and you want to become the best version of you, you have to learn. And in order to learn, you can't be shy, you can't be timid, you have to ask questions. Nor can an impatient person teach. Somebody who's impatient has a short fuse. Somebody who's impatient gets angry very quickly. If you're in the role of teaching, if your job is to teach others, then the number one trait that you need to have according to the ethics of the fathers is patience. You have to have a very, very long fuse. You have to be ready and willing to sit and repeat over and over and over again to a child who's not learning even at work. If you are a coach, if you are a trainer, then you have to have an amazing amount of patience in order to be good at what you do. If you lack patience, you will not be good at your job. Very simple. You're in the wrong career. Nor will someone who engages in business become wise. I don't know how to explain that one. I'm being honest with you. I haven't researched it. I don't know. Let's flush it out just for a minute. Somebody who is immersed in business all day long, morning to night, can't think about anything else. They are obsessed with their business. How can somebody like that become wise? It means they simply don't have the time to learn. They don't have hours in the day, there are none left to be able to dedicate to growing his wisdom. And therefore, how can he become wise? I don't think it's rocket science. I think it's very straightforward. If you're engaged in earthly matters too much, if you're always concerned with growing your bank account, if you're always concerned with getting new customers and acquiring new material assets, then you're not focusing on your spirituality, on your emotional and intellectual well-being. And as a result of that, you simply sacrifice your wisdom. When you choose an excess of anything, especially business, you sacrifice, and oftentimes that sacrifice is your ability to grow in your wisdom to sit and learn Torah properly. And finally, in a place where there are no men, strive to be a man. What does that mean? You're going to find a place where there's no men, and therefore you're going to be a man. Obviously, there are people. So obviously there are men wherever you go. What does it mean in a place where there are no men, you should strive to be a man? It means that when you see that people aren't doing the right thing, when people aren't capable of setting a proper example for those around them, when they're busy serving themselves, when they're busy being corrupt, when they're busy taking advantage of situations and not acting in a way that is upright and honorable, then you should strive to be that individual. Step up. If there's nobody that's going to lead, you lead. And if there's nobody that's going to lead properly, with honor and with morals and with ethics, then you should step up and be that person. Where you see that there is a void, where there is a gaping hole, where you know somebody needs to step up and do this, somebody needs to take control of the situation so that we have a good, healthy outcome. Nobody's doing it, then you should be the first to step up and do it. And along that vein, this is very important. I learned this early on in life, and it's very hard to do, especially if you're an introverted person. But it is one of the things that will help you to succeed in life. Be the first to greet another individual. You know when you come into a room and there's strangers, you don't know one another, and there is a sense of discomfort, uncertainty, everybody's quiet, people are avoiding eye contact. You don't know these people. What do I want to start speaking to people I've never met them before? Break that. Be the first one where there's no man, be a man. Step up, approach an individual you've never met before, a room full of people, and go one at a time and stretch out your hand and shake their hands and say, Hi, my name is X. Nice to meet you. What's your name? Put a smile on, make eye contact. I guarantee you that that is a life changer for you. That is going to improve your life exponentially. The ones who are quiet and introverted and never step out to even greet somebody, they're always forgotten. They're always glazed over. Nobody notices them. The one that steps up with character and confidence comes over and shakes a hand and makes eye contact and introduces themselves because they're not shy, because they're personable, they get remembered. They're the ones who people come to. They attract other similar type people and opportunities that come with it. So if you really want to maximize your potential and the opportunities that you're faced with in this world, don't be the introvert. Step out of your comfort zone, like I said before, and be the first person. Be that man when there is no man in the room. That's it for Piquavot. Let's spend a few minutes on the Garden of Emuna. Imagine two identical twins who grew up together in the same home, same parents, eating the same food, having the same experiences, going to the same schools, etc. But maybe when they were small, they appeared to be equally healthy. They're kids. But as they grow older, what happens? Each one has his own separate health problems. How is that possible? They're identical twins. They came from the same parents, the same background, the same environment. How is it that later on in their lives, one of them is suffering from heart disease, and the other one has a very healthy heart? One of them is suffering from diabetes and the other one doesn't. Completely different illnesses. What's the proof that you find in that? It's that one's health is not determined by nature, but it's got everything to do with their actions. What we do in this world determines the outcome of our health. If we're doing the good things that we need to do, then God watches our health. He doesn't have to afflict us with pain and suffering. If we're busy doing all the wrong things, and we know we've said before, that the mitzvas are connected, the positive and the negative ones, are connected to organs in our body. If we are constantly doing the wrong thing, doing the averas, the sins, it's going to negatively affect certain organs. So one twin has a bad heart. Why? Because they're involved in an aveira or they're not doing the mitzvah that they should be doing that's connected to the heart. What is it? Unfortunately, today we don't know with exacting precision. But we said that you connect to our creator with our heart through prayer. So one of them may not be investing enough in their prayer, in their relationship, and trying to connect back to their creator, while the other one is doing a really good job at it. You understand how it works? It is proof positive that when you have two identical twins who grew up in the same environment, but yet for some reason at a later age are suffering from completely different illnesses, that it's got nothing to do with your DNA and everything to do with your actions, whether you're doing the commandments or not. If nature were the determining factor, then both twins would be born and raised in identical circumstances and they should have identical health problems. We don't see that. What else can you learn from identical twins? You can learn from twins and triplets that if you speak to their parents, you will see often that they will have exactly the opposite character traits. In my family, my brother-in-law has triplets, amazing children. Each one of them is entirely different in character, likes and dislikes, and the way they conduct themselves than the other. Literally, you would think they came from different families. It's unbelievable. They're so different, yet they are triplets, came out of the same mother at the same time, and grew up in the same household, surrounded by one another all day long, with the same upbringing, and yet they're so radically different. What's the proof? It proves clearly that each one of them is a separate Nishama. Each one of them is their own soul. They lived a life before they came into this world. And they had their own challenges, their own successes and their own failures in their history, in previous existences. And now they've come into this world, they're bringing with them their baggage from previous existences to be able to repair. That's why they're so different. One died stingy, and the other one was generous. One had no problem keeping Shabbat, and the other one, it's torture for them. One of them connects to the concept of a god and prayer very easily, very spiritual, and the other one the exact opposite. The only way to explain that is that they passed away in a previous life with those very same successes and failures. And so if they conquered their challenges in a previous life, they no longer have challenges with them in this life. And if they departed the previous life, not having achieved success in certain areas, then they're brought back in order to repair, in order to finally achieve success in that area. So the lesson is for all of us know that if you have a weakness, if you have a mitzvah, a commandment, a challenge that's hard for you to rise up to, that is the reason you were brought back. What a shame it would be if you went through 70, 80, 90 years in this world and never conquered that very same thing that you were brought back to conquer. You don't want to do it all over again, my friends, because when you get to the next world, you want to stay there. You don't want to come back because you have clarity. You know that you're now in a place that is perfect and pure and true. And the place that you just came from is a world of lies. And your Nishama has clarity on that. So it sits there and it says, I don't want to go back. I don't want to have to deal with all of that craziness again, the lies and the deceit and the corruption. I don't want to have to deal with that. But if you haven't dealt with it and you haven't achieved your outcome in this world, then yeah, unfortunately, you're brought back to do it all over again. That, my friends, in a nutshell, wraps up exactly why we are brought here, exactly why we have reincarnation. We're brought back to fix, to elevate, to perfect. If you don't do it, you don't get a pass. You got to come back and do it all over again. Hopefully, none of us ever have to. Do the hard work this go-around and make sure that there is no other go-around. When it's all said and done, you are in a place of pure beauty and bliss for eternity. Have an amazing day. We'll pick up tomorrow.

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Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

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Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts. Drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.