Episode 142 - Family Matters, Prioritize What You Can Control

 Why are relationships failing more than ever?  

Tag someone who needs to hear this! 

In today’s episode of the Trust Factor Podcast, we dive deep into the roots of relationship breakdowns. It’s not just about love; it’s about understanding our spiritual needs. 

Many are lost, guided by blind leaders who care more about power and money than our well-being. Without spiritual nourishment, we stumble in marriage, parenting, and life. 

We all have two sides: the material and the spiritual. To thrive, we must nurture our souls with the wisdom of the Torah—a manual for living. It’s not just a book; it’s a guide for every aspect of our lives.  

Imagine a world where everyone embraced this wisdom! The benefits would be profound, and we’d see a transformation in our relationships. 

What's your experience with nurturing your spiritual side? Let’s share insights and grow together! 

Listen to the full conversation in the link in bio!  

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What are the things that you care about? They should only be the things that you can control, which, if you've been listening up until now, is very, very little. Most of the things that happen to us in this life, we do not control. He controls. We just show up and give an effort. I don't think I run around controlling everything, which a lot of people do. A lot of people care about everything. And they care about everything to the same extent, which is the fullest extent. There's no barometer, there's no thermostat where you can turn it up and down and say, okay, this I care more, this I care less. Today, you either care not at all or you care to an extreme, neither of which is healthy. You have to figure out what you need to care about. And the real answer to that is not much.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

The Trust Factor is to take it to a bad life. The Trust Factor shows you how to get through life.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Trust Factor Podcast. Thank you for joining. We're about to switch gears. We're about to give you some insight into why it is that so many relationships fail today. If you've ever scratched your head and wondered why it is that the divorce rates are through the roof, why it is that we have what's called a snowflake generation, children who are scared of their own shadow, children who are confused as to whether they are male or female, a cat, a dog, a toaster oven. If you ever find yourself wondering about these things, I'm about to give you some insight into why you find yourself living in this kind of a world. It's all here in this book. It's all here in the Torah. People who don't take the time to nourish their souls by learning Torah don't understand these concepts. And as a result of that, they fail. They fail in marriage, they fail in business, they fail in parenting, they fail in all kinds of areas of life because they're being led by the blind. They're being led by people who have ulterior motives. They don't care about your success, your personal successes. They don't care that you're a good husband or a good father or a good business partner. They simply don't care. The only thing they care about is power and money. That's it. So when you're worrying about yourself, when you're concerned and you want to be a good parent and you want to be a good father, and you want to be the best version of yourself, the only way to do that, my friends, is to recognize that you're made up of two components. You have an animalistic side to you, that's your body, and your material desires. And then you have your spiritual side, the part that God blew into you when he created Adam and Eve. And that part of you needs to be nourished as well. It's not the same as your physical side. Your physical side can sit down and eat a steak and be perfectly content as long as the belly is full, the mind operates properly. There's a connection. However, when it comes to spirituality, the only way to nourish your Nishama, your soul, is through God's Torah. That's it. And sync, just think how much of society, how many people are running around with not even the slightest clue that the Torah even exists. Never mind to sit and read it front to back. Never mind to get yourself a rabbi, somebody who's qualified to sit and teach you these precepts. They think it's outdated, they think it's archaic, they think it's a history book. They have no idea that this is their manual for life. If they knew that, they would sit and read it day and night. If every time they opened up the Torah, they won a massive windfall, their relationships got better, money was in the bank, all these things worked out for them, cause and effect. Nobody would move away from the Torah. Everybody would have multiple copies in their homes and they would read them morning till night. But that's not the case. Why? Because people don't see causality. And that's by design. God created this world in a way where he's hidden. And we have to uncover him. And he doesn't want robots. Remember that. He wants you figuring this stuff out on your own. So if you're listening, kudos to you. And if you're sharing, even better, my friends, there is nothing better than bringing people closer to Hashem. Let me just share a quick idea with you in the form of a riddle, which I'm sure I've said before. Is there a rock that God can create that is so big and heavy that even he can't lift it? And the answer to that riddle is yes. Now you scratch your head and you wonder, wait a second, how is it possible that God, who is not limited by anything, can actually be limited? And the answer is yes. The only way that he can be limited is if he limits himself, if he creates a rock, and it doesn't even have to be a big one, it could be a pebble, and he could say, I am not able to lift that up. That is a rule in the firm. I'm going to put that in. In this world, that rule exists. Then he is now limited. He is now never going to be able to pick that up. Why? Because God's word is divine. It's not like our human counterpart, it's not like the commitments made by flesh and blood. When God commits to something, it's done. There's no flip-flopping on it. When God commits, I can't pick up that rock, he's not picking it up. And in that vein, God says, I gave you free will, which means that if you're going to figure out that you have a spiritual side, if you're going to figure out that there is a Torah and that I want a relationship with you and that you can come back to me and that we can operate in this life together and that I can oversee you and ensure that you have all of these successes, it has to come from you because I don't want robots. It needs, and there's verses throughout the Torah that clearly explain that it is entirely in your hand to come back to him. So if God can do everything, the one thing that he cannot do is turn you into a robot. Now, how do we get around that? And the only real way to do that is for us to do that part of it. In other words, if we know that we benefit from investing in our spirituality, if we know that we benefit by learning Torah, if we know that we win by taking this divine thousands of year-old information and apply it today, we only come out on top and we share that with our brothers and our sisters and our children and our parents and our friends and our community because we care and we bring them back, we open their eyes, then we are in effect doing what he himself cannot do because he's limited himself. He said, I can't do that. I can't force you. We can show people the reality. We could show them in our words, but more importantly, in our actions, that there is a better way to live. There is a divine, perfect way to live. And if they follow that and they come back as a result of your efforts, then you, my friend, are in his good books. You've done the one thing that is going to help you out in this life, like you cannot even begin to imagine, not just in this life, but in the next. It helps you out from all of the suffering that awaits a lot of us when it comes to the next world. We all have a portion of suffering that's allotted to us because none of us is pure. We've all made mistakes. But if you're running around trying to help people and bring them back to Torah and bring them back to a relationship with their creator, all of the merits that they get and all of their learning and all of the charity that they give and all of their prayers and all the people they pass it on to, you have a part in, my friend. So all those angels that are being created by those individuals, they come in your defense after 120 years. And good luck trying to outnumber that with sins. You could live a lifetime, multiple lifetimes, and not come up with as many sins as you could have when you've got armies of people running out and doing the mitzvahs on your behalf, in your merit. That's not to say you should run out and try and do these sins, but at the same time, you're gonna sin. So the best way to counter that is to share the message and wake people up at every mitzvah that they do, every deed that is done, every letter of Torah that's learned is your merit. I can't help but think about the person that made me a Balchruva that opened up my eyes. Every word of Torah that comes out, every episode of this podcast that goes out, every stitch of Torah that I learned and that I teach, every mitzvah that I do, he gets a part of my friends. It's tremendous. Let's read. We're gonna talk about advanced amuna exams. We're tested in this life. This life is one big test from the morning to the night. The second you wake up until the second you go to bed, you are tested. You may not always feel it, but you're always being watched and you always want to come out on top. Where is one of the biggest places in the world that people are tested? Marriage and family matters. Just look the way I started this podcast. Just look at the state of relationships, just look at the divorce rates, just look at the corrupt nature of this generation and the children and the way that they're being raised and all of the things that they're out in the streets protesting for and against. Just look. It will give you a clear indication that we have failed in the department of marriage and family. Let's understand why. The main tests of a person's faith are at home with his wife and his children who unwittingly test his faith from morning until night. It's not that they do it intentionally, it's that that's part of the job. They don't know that their job is to test your amona, but that's exactly what it is. They do it. They're programmed to do it, they test your amona. It's one of the biggest tests of a married individual who's also a parent. They make demands on your time, on your money, and on your nerves all day and all night. Sometimes they frustrate and humiliate him and never seem to be satisfied. It doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't matter how much you provide, you still cannot satisfy everybody in your household. It won't surprise you to know that the only way to pass this test is you got it, Amuna, figuring out that there's a creator that runs the world, not just your world, but the world of your spouses and your children as well. The challenges of a marital relationship require a higher level of Amuna than difficulties outside of the home do. And for obvious reasons. When you're outside of your house and you're faced with a challenge, you can always walk away from that challenge, at least most of the time. You can walk away from that challenge, you can walk away from that circumstance, you can walk away from that individual and move on and pretend that it never happened. At home, it's not so easy. And now you understand why a lot of people try and do the same thing. They try and walk away from their home and from their family when they walk into a situation that's a test of faith. And instead of recognizing that this isn't the street, that it's not easy to pick up and walk away, they do the very same thing. They respond in the house to their relationship with their spouse and their children by walking away as they would a situation that's outside of the house. You don't have that luxury, my friend. That's why it's a test. When it comes to your spouse and your children, you're not able to respond as you would outside of the house. Furthermore, it says a person can change or avoid his friends and associates a lot easier than he can change or avoid his spouse. A marital relationship is more obligating. It's not easy to get divorced. You might think it is, because the state of marriage today is in real trouble. If you look at the way our relationships are and you look at the divorce rates, it's clear that marriages are in trouble. First of all, people are putting it off altogether, as I mentioned the other day. That's why in the Orthodox community we marry out for our kids young. Don't give them time to get the junk in their head that society is going to push on them, that's going to tell them you're never going to find the right person. There's always better for you. They can be uh 99% perfect for you, but that 1% sets them apart. That is the state of the world that we're living in right now. And so you may have been forced into a situation, forced into a marriage, and then you find out that they've got a cork or B quirk, and you're not willing to put up with it, and you're not willing to invest the time and the energy. So your response is to walk away from it. Just as easy as you came in, you're walking away. That's the generation that we're living in right now, and that's the trend. That's where we're going. True character development of a person only begins once he gets married. I mentioned this also by money. When you're young and where you're just worried about you and your belly and your situation, you don't have serious tests. You haven't started to live yet. Your life has been on cruise control. You don't realize what life is really all about until you get married, and even more so once you have children. And I say this to all the young couples. When they get engaged, I tell them life is about to start for you. And when they have children, I tell them, welcome to real life, because everything before that was a fantasy. Unmarried people normally manage in life without having to invest considered efforts in acquiring Muna. Demands of a spouse and children indicate one's true level of amuna, and it behooves him to earnestly work in attaining amuna. You don't have a choice. When you have mouths to feed, when you have spouses to support, when you have bills to pay, which really only come after you get married and grow exponentially when you have children, you don't have a choice. It's easy to walk away from an opportunity because you don't like the person who's on the other side of that transaction. I don't want to do business with that guy. You know what? The guy rubs me the wrong way. I'm not interested in him. I'll find another deal. It's easy to do that when you're 20, 21 and living in your parents' home. Very easy to do that because the bills are limited. The demands are limited. You don't have to sacrifice. But when you have a mortgage payment and when you have tuition, and when you got to put food on the table, and when you're buying clothes from multiple people in the house and you want to save for a vacation, and all these different things are happening, suddenly, wait a second. Maybe I need to kind of negate who I am at this point. Maybe I need to do whatever it takes to be able to work in this relationship. Maybe I need to do whatever it takes to make this business transaction happen, even if that means that I negate myself, even if that means that I become irrelevant. It doesn't matter how I feel about that person. It doesn't matter how I feel about the situation. The only thing that matters is that I'm able to provide for my family. All of a sudden your mindset shifts and you don't have the luxury of making decisions on the whim. And it says over here, just like I mentioned, a person is able to walk away from a challenging predicament. At that point, his amuna is not taxed. I don't have to deal with this, so I just walk away. There's no challenge to my amuna. But when you know that you can't just walk away because you have to provide, suddenly you have to cope. And when you have to cope, you're tested by your imuna. I remember once a long time ago, we were out with some family members. My family was there, young children. We had other family members over there. There was a lot going on. And I was the person in charge of the situation that we were in. And I was managing all kinds of different things. And everybody wasn't just sitting around waiting for me to finish what I was doing or being helpful. On the contrary, everybody was pulling at me. Everybody was pushing and pulling. I need this, I need that, I need this, and I and I'm the one running the show. Nobody's helping me. I'm doing everything on my own. And at one point, my cousin turns to me and says, How do you do that? And this is a grown man, much older than I am, had his own family and his own responsibilities and his own business. And he takes me aside and he says, How do you manage that? You stayed cool as a cucumber. Everybody's coming at you. It's mayhem, and you're the guy running the show. Not only are you not getting help, but everybody's coming at you and you're staying cool as a cucumber. And my answer to him now in hindsight, when I look at it, when I think about it, it just came. I didn't think about it. The answer was, Amuna, I know that there is a boss that runs the world. And at the end of the day, that's all I think about. And I'll give you the secret. I'll give you the real secret that goes with it. At the end of the day, I said to myself, and I constantly do this, even today, I have a mantra in my mind. I don't care. Now, you gotta be careful with that one. It's a slippery slope. If you really don't care about everything, then you're doing the opposite of what's required of you. You have to care. But what are the things that you care about? They should only be the things that you can control, which if you've been listening up until now, is very, very little. Most of the things that happen to us in this life, we do not control. He controls. We just show up and give an effort. So at the end of my day, I don't think I run around controlling everything, which a lot of people do. A lot of people care about everything, and they care about everything to the same extent, which is the fullest extent. There's no barometer, there's no thermostat where you can turn it up and down and say, okay, this I care more, this I care less. Today, you either care not at all, or you care to an extreme, neither of which is healthy. You have to figure out what you need to care about. And the real answer to that is not much, not much. The things that you need to care about, you really need to care about. But 90% of the things that happen to us in this world are minutiae. They're just noise meant to distract you and meant to test you. Just like he said here. I knew that they were there to pull on my strings. I knew that they were there to test me, and I knew that it was all a test. And therefore, I was able to say, Hashem, I know you got this. I know this is a test. It doesn't make sense for me to respond or to react, so I'm not. And somebody noticed that and didn't make the connection and couldn't understand how I could respond in that manner because it was exactly the opposite of the way that they would respond. Work on your Amuna, my friends. When you work on it, when you recognize that there is a God that runs this world, when you recognize that it is all a test, especially your spouses and your children, then you will learn to have patience. And the way that you have patience is by recognizing that God runs their lives just as much as he runs yours. You're not God. You're a spouse and you're a parent, so you can do what you can do. The rest is in his hands. We'll continue with this conversation, my friends, tomorrow. Have an amazing day. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.