Episode 151 - Why Do Wives Share Their Husband's Secrets

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Life is a constant journey of learning and growth. Every day gives us a chance to reflect on our actions and make the necessary changes. You don’t need a perfect start; you just need a commitment to change.

It’s not about the mistakes you’ve made but what you do after realizing them. Acknowledge your missteps, own them, and then start afresh. Remember, repentance isn’t just a religious concept; it’s a tool for personal growth!

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Transcript

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We get frustrated because we see our wives sharing and airing our dirty laundry to their friends, to their parents, anybody that they're gonna meet, even the person at the grocery store and you wonder what's wrong with her. A happy wife is one who knows that she can turn to her husband for everything. She will get his full support. If your wife knows that you're not there to judge her, you're there to advise her, to guide her, to support her, to help build her up, and that nobody is gonna do it the way that you are, then she will only confide in you. Such a wife isn't interested in other people's advice. Your wife is a smart person. That's why you married her. The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the night. Good morning, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Trust Factor Podcast. It's Sunday. I hope you had a meaningful Shabbat. We're gonna have an unbelievable week. It's calling for some pretty spectacular weather. So get out and enjoy. You got all year to work, my friends. If you're living in a place like Canada where you only have a small amount of time to enjoy, get out and enjoy it. We're gonna talk about the same thing we spoke about last week. I don't know how much longer we're gonna stay on this subject. Probably it looks like a few pages, but it's important. I can't connect with it, and I really hope you guys can't connect with it either. I can't imagine what it's like to not be able to sleep in your own bed and to be forced out of your house and away from the people that you love the most. But it happens, and it happens so frequently, you don't care to know. But if you happen to be in this situation because we're not perfect, we're far from it, then listen. Pay very close attention, my friends. This is information you're not going to get from your psychiatrist. This is not information you're gonna get from your therapist. No therapist that's trained in secular studies is ever going to give you this information. They're just not. It's not in their curriculum, it's not part of the piece of paper that they've got hanging on their office wall. This is divine wisdom. It comes from the creator, he who created you, your spouse, your children, the whole institution of marriage was created and managed by your creator. So here is the instruction manual on what to do if you found out that you've spent decades not doing what you're supposed to do, not checking in with the manual, and as a result, you've made a truckload of mistakes. You may even continue to be making them, but it's time to make change. You can always make change. You don't need an invitation. The stars do not have to align in order for you to be able to start back again at zero. How do I know that? Because that is a rule of creation. God, in his love for us, gave us this idea of repentance. Stop, acknowledge three times a day that you've done something wrong, and review it in your mind and then say it out loud, make it real. Once you've made it real, you've put it out into the ether, you've had that conversation with your creator, you've felt genuinely bad about what happened, and then you make a commitment, a real commitment that you're not going to do it again. Even if you fail the next day, we're not talking about tomorrow. We're talking about now, today, this very second. I make a commitment, a firm commitment to myself, to my wife, to my children, to my creator that I'm going to make a real change. When you do that, God gives you a clean slate. You get a chance to start over again. So what happens if tomorrow you fail? What happens if tomorrow you drop the ball and you got to start all over again? Then you pick yourself up and you dust yourself off and you start all over again. And you know what happens when you're done feeling bad for yourself? You get another clean slate in the very same department. If he has anything, he has patience and he will wait and he will even assist you to behave in the ways that you shouldn't behave. Why? Because you decide what you want to do, and then he will help you get there. If you want to be the worst husband in the world and the worst father in the world, God forbid, he will help you to be that person. And if you want to be a model husband and a model father, and you want to be a model member of your community, he will help you to do that also. It all starts and stops with you in terms of the decision that you're going to make. After you've made the decision, he'll help you get there. So that after 120 years, you've got no complaints. But why, God? Why? Why'd you put me in a relationship where I couldn't manage it? You chose not to manage it. Your actions dictated what you wanted to do, and I merely helped you. Why didn't you stop me? No. It's not his job to stop you. It's not his job to turn you into a robot. Where do we see that in fact? This past week's Torah portion, we talked about Balak and Bilam, two terrorists who came to destroy the Jewish nation as they left Egypt and they were walking through the desert on the way to Israel. What happened? This guy, Balak, who was a king of a nation called Moab, understood that this Israelite nation is on the way. This Jewish nation is now cutting through territories to get to their destination. Those who were starting wars with them, nations, instead of allowing them to pass through, are starting wars with them. And what happens? Israel is forced to fight a defensive war. Sound familiar? It's a story of our lives, isn't it? And as a result of that, Balak hears, now he's next. They've destroyed many nations who've tried to stop them. They're not going to be stopped. So let them cut through your land. They're not going to touch anything, they're not going to drink anything, they're not going to do anything. And anything that they take, they will pay for it, says it clearly. And they say, no, we don't like you. We don't want you to pass through our lands. Ultimately, it ends up in war. So Balak goes and hires a prophet, the main guy, the Moses of the other nations, the biggest prophet that existed by the name of Bilam, and hires him to curse out the Jewish nation. This guy is coming to try and do his best to destroy this very nation that God just chose and gave his Torah to. The nation that just heard God speak to them directly. This person, these two people, want to destroy this nation. Balak spends the money, and Bilam comes to do the cursing. What happens in the end? It all works out beautifully. Why? Because the prophet can't say the things that he wants to say. He has to say exactly what God told him to say, otherwise, he's got real problems. And so in the end, he ends up blessing the Jews instead of cursing the Jews. And we see as a result of that, Balak is rewarded tremendously. How is Balak rewarded? He's supposed to be punished. He's the one who paid the money to curse this nation. Not only is he rewarded, but he gets a portion in the Torah and God's eternal document that is never to be added to or taken away from ever. He gets an entire Torah portion named after him, Balak. Can you imagine? This is a guy who came to kill God's chosen nation. But the question is, why didn't God just stop the Lam? Why didn't God just kill him? Don't let him wake up in the morning. Don't let him get to where he's going. Give him all kinds of problems along the way so that he can't get there. Give him all kinds of illness. Cut out the man's tongue. There are a million different ways to stop this guy from doing the worst thing possible. God just anointed his amazing nation to be his representative nation. He's been carrying them through the desert for at this point 38 years, cradling them and giving them everything that they can ever want and need. And this guy's coming to chop them into pieces, to destroy them. And God allows it to happen. What do we learn from that? That whatever direction you want to go in, God has an obligation to take you there. You will suffer the consequences or you will reap the benefits of your decision. If you choose well, you will win. If you choose poorly, you will lose. But we see clearly, God could have killed them, could have paralyzed them, could have stopped them, could have done a million things to avoid this whole interaction. But he doesn't. That's not his role. His role is not to turn us into robots. So if you find yourself as a husband who's out on the streets, who's sleeping in the doghouse, who's sleeping even in the couch, you don't have to be outside of the house. If it's gotten that bad that you can't sleep in your own bed, then you know that you need to get that fresh, clean slate. And how do you get that clean slate? Review, investigate, figure out what you did wrong, compare your actions to what your creator would have wanted from you, and start to do this thing called repentance. Start to feel bad and start to make plans to stop doing the thing that's been holding you back. And start to make plans on how to change and become the best version of you, the best husband and the best father. That, my friends, will give you a clean slate, and then you'll find yourself right back in the position you were supposed to be, on the road to success, living a life of marital bliss. Let's go back into the book and figure out a little bit more about how our relationships are supposed to work. He says, understandably, a person with a MUNA doesn't blame anyone for the problems with his wife. Even if it seems that others are at least partially to blame. We said this before. It doesn't matter that her parents are chirping in her ear because they never liked you. It doesn't matter that her girlfriends, who are all divorced many times over, are trying to convince her to do the wrong thing. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is how you interacted with your wife. Why does that matter? Listen closely. Had his wife been happy, she wouldn't have told her problems to anyone else, especially her parents. Oftentimes we as husbands get upset, we get frustrated because we see our wives sharing and airing our dirty laundry to their friends, to their parents, to the all anybody that they're going to meet, even the person at the grocery store, and you wonder what's wrong with her? Why would she do that? He says that a happy wife is one who knows that she can turn to her husband for everything, and who is confident that she will get his full support. If your wife knows that you're not there to judge her, if your wife knows that you're there to advise her, to guide her, to support her, to help build her up, and that nobody is going to do it the way that you are, then she will only confide in you. He says, such a wife isn't interested in other people's advice. Why do I need third-party advice? Your wife is a smart person. That's why you married her. And she knows that she shouldn't be airing her dirty laundry. So if she is, if she's sharing your problems with everybody else, it's because she can't talk about it with you. That's exactly what he says. Your therapist is not going to tell you this. Her husband is her father, her mother, and her best friend, all rolled into one. When you're at that stage, my friends, nothing can penetrate into that relationship. No wedge can be driven in between you and your wife. When you're her father, her mother, her best friend, everybody that she meets, she will only come to you with any one of her concerns and never dare to air dirty laundry. Why would she want to do that? Nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to seem inferior. Nobody wants to share with the world other problems. If you find her doing that, it's because she has no choice. She knows that you are always there by her side, ready to listen to her, understand and support her. When a wife feels that her husband is her best friend in the world, nothing and no one can separate them. Guys don't understand this. They really don't. A lot of times we're introverted. A lot of times men are carrying the burden of supporting the home, going out and working. Oftentimes the women do today. But in general, when a guy does it, he puts in his heart and soul into it. And oftentimes it defines him. And as a result of that, he carries it very heavily on his shoulders. He takes this responsibility very seriously. And oftentimes it consumes him. So when he comes home, he feels like his job is done. His job was outside the house. He doesn't realize that he's got an entirely different job, which is exponentially more important than the one outside of the home. And that is the one that's inside the home. Being there for the spouse, being there for the children, being the guide in the home, being the rock, being the source of logic and of reason, being the place where people can come to the source of good quality information that will teach people how to make good decisions and how to live good lives. That's the father's role. The father has to be confident. He needs to be the pillars that holds up the house. And that's not an easy job. So when he's done with his day job, he's got to come home to his night job. So the wife has to understand that that's burdensome. But the husband needs to equally understand that he doesn't have a choice. That's our job. And instead of resenting it, you should come to love it. Why? Because how do you become that pillar? How do you become that rock in the house by learning and growing yourself? If you're spending the time and the resources becoming the best version of you, learning the Torah, sitting with an Orthodox rabbi and learning the unbelievable, priceless lessons that come from the Torah, the manual that God gave us on how to be the father, then you can go home and implement it and share it with your family. You're not expected to pull this out of nowhere. It's not supposed to come out of thin air. It's here for you. Just sit down with somebody who's qualified and learn it. And once you've learned it, then you can give it over to your family. Then you can be that responsible person in your family. If we approach life like this, you live in a utopia. The Torah will enable you to live the best version of your life. This concept of being kicked out of your house, the concept of having to sleep on a couch, it's not even an option. It doesn't even enter your mind or your spouse's mind. It's simply not an option. So let's finish this off. Since we've learned that everything depends on the husband, this is important, some of our readers might possibly feel depressed and guilty talking about the husband over here. This is not our intention, God forbid. Even if you did make many mistakes, depression, despair, anxiety, all of these things, self-persecution, are not the way to improve things. Falling into a state of despair is only going to make things worse. That's not why this is happening. It's the opposite. The way forward is to learn what mistakes you've made and then make a new start and commit to mending your old ways, just like I said a minute ago. That's the key. Stop and assess. And now that you're out, and now that you are not there to have that additional responsibility with your spouse and your children, now you have all the time in the world to reflect and to fix the things that you've been doing incorrectly. But you first have to do the assessment and you need to be honest with yourself. And number three, you have to do what I've said to you many times. Shiviti Hashem le negdita meet. I always contrast and compare my actions to what my creator wants of me. All you need to do is that. When you've done that, the answers to what you've done wrong will be provided to you along with the solution on how to fix those very same problems. Have an amazing day. Have an amazing week. And we'll touch base again on Tuesday. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.