Episode 167 - Divorce & Co-Parenting: Love or Harm?

The stories that shake your soul—are they just stories... or lessons we all need to hear?

Drop a  if you feel this.

Last night, I watched a video called Letting Go — three unbelievable stories of survival and resilience in life's darkest moments.

One woman’s home was invaded and robbed, yet she found the strength to rebuild. A Holocaust survivor risked everything, only to discover betrayal from someone close to him. And a family shattered by tragedy, yet somehow still chose forgiveness and resilience.

These stories aren’t just about pain — they’re about what human beings can become when life gives them the hardest test. They show us that even in the darkest moments, people can rise, endure, and grow.

That’s why this message matters so much: education is love.

The way we shape ourselves, our homes, and our children changes everything.

Resilience doesn’t happen by accident — it’s built through how we respond, how we learn, and what values we pass on.

Worth reflecting on.

What’s one lesson you’re carrying forward from these stories?

#resilience #lifelessons #strengthwithinsupport #ShabbatNachamu #InnerGrowthJourney  #FamilyValues  #EducationIsLove

Transcript

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You could be divorced amicably. You could understand that the person that you are divorcing is still the parent of your children. And it is critical that they live a healthy and positive, vibrant life in order to provide the best possibility of those children to come out well developed. And so you're going to do everything you can to support your ex-spouse. You put yourself on the shelf. You could be together and provide a broken environment, and you could be apart and give those children the best chance at success. It all depends on your approach. The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life. I hope you were able to get there, to get to the point where you actually felt some sorrow. Well, however you got there, as long as it was legitimate, then great. Meaning to say that it actually hit the depths of your soul. It brought out that emotion in you because oftentimes, especially for men, we're busy suppressing that emotion. But it's important to bring it out. Now, to help you out, late last night, unfortunately, I only found it late last night, somebody sent me an unbelievable video. Really spectacular. Just I can't say enough about it, other than to say go back and watch it. If you haven't seen it yet, then watch it. It's critically important. I posted it on the WhatsApp groups yesterday, and it's called Letting Go. And if you don't have access to the WhatsApp group, let me know, and I'm happy to send it to you. It was a powerful, powerful video that shared three different stories, three unbelievable stories of individuals in the most difficult times of their lives, life and death situation, sometimes for them, sometimes for them and their entire family. And it was a story about how they overcame. One story was about a woman who was marrying off her daughter and hosted an engagement party in their beautiful home. Thank God they were doing well. They had a luxurious home, they had a lot of valuable possessions. And the very next day came a knock on the door as a flower delivery. And the mother, thinking that it must have been for the daughter, went and opened up the door and was attacked. Two intruders came in and held her at gunpoint and robbed her. Watch the story and see what human beings are capable of. Understand what she went through and how she overcame. And more importantly, who these people were, these intruders were, and how that story ends will send shockwaves. The second story was about an individual. I've heard this story before, but it was one of those stories that, you know, there's never a source because it's always given over from person to person. Somebody heard it and then passed it down, and eventually the names and the dates and the places changed, but the principle remains the same. I've heard this story before, but I was never able to put names or dates and places to it. Well, here it came in this movie. It was about an individual who lived in Romania during the Holocaust, World War II. And he was living in a place which was relatively safe for Jews at the time. But the Nazis were getting closer and closer. And so eventually they had to move to a safer place in Romania, which required paperwork. And he jumped through hoops, he did everything he could to come up with the proper paperwork to save himself and his family. And then while he was sitting and learning with his Torah study partner, his Hevruta, the conversation came up about what are you doing? Where are you going? And he told him, I got all my papers, I've hid them in my normal hiding space, and we're going to be going to that safe place very soon. And when he went to get those papers, they were gone. Many years later, he ran into the very same individual who was his Torah study partner, understanding that he was the one who stole them right from under him to save his own family in place of this individual. Watch and learn what it is to be a human being. Watch and learn what it is to up your game to a point where you can become godlike even in this world. You want a story that demonstrates that? Watch it. And the final one, you won't stop crying. From the beginning to the end, a young family at the prime of their lives, blessed with richness, blessed with family, with children, with community, with Torah, with all the amazing things, living the gold standard of life, and grateful for it too. Until the tragedy happens that no family even wants to contemplate, let alone live through the loss of a young child, their eight and a half-year-old, vibrant child full of life, goes out for a bike ride and does not come back in seconds. She's taken tragically from this family. Watch and learn the plot twists that come with this story, and the resilience and the understanding and the community and the forgiveness. Just watch. Guys, I can't repeat it enough. It was an unbelievable film. Everybody should watch it. There are unbelievable lessons to come out of that to help build you up. Speaking of children, that's what we've been talking about. The fact that the best way to educate your child is through your own personal behavior. And that if you're divorced, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're providing your children with a broken home. You could be divorced amicably. You could understand that the person that you are divorcing is still the parent of your children. And that it is critical that they live a healthy and positive, vibrant life in order to provide the best possibility of those children to come out well developed. And so you're going to do everything you can to support your ex-spouse. You put yourself on the shelf. But you could also remain together for the sake of the children. And in doing so, being at each other's throats, always fighting, always cursing, always put downs, using the children as tools against each other. You think you're doing the children a favor. In fact, what you are doing is providing that same broken home. You could be together and provide a broken environment, and you could be apart and give those children the best chance at success. It all depends on your approach. Now, let's get back into it. Education is love. Listen, because this applies today more than ever before in history. Love your fellow human and draw him closer to your creator. How do you bring somebody closer to your creator? The way to bring them closer is with love. It's a whole conversation about what that means. The approach to bringing somebody closer today in religious circles is always a question. It's a point of contention. This one does it with absolute love and turns a blind eye to everything. And this one is more strict and more demanding. At the end of the day, they are both doing the very same thing. They are trying to bring their fellow Jews closer to truth and purpose and their creator. Their choice, their approach of how to do it may differ entirely. But that doesn't mean that it's not coming from a position of love. The very fact that they've decided to dedicate their lives to helping Jews save their own lives, their brothers and sisters, shows you that they care. Otherwise, it's so much easier to just worry about yourself. Oftentimes there's no reward or very little that comes from that. In fact, sometimes you're thrown under the bus because somebody doesn't like your approach to bringing Jews back to Torah and they make you out to be the villain. Can you imagine? Watch the movie from yesterday that was talking about, and you'll understand how terrible that approach is to life. How people could overcome so many other things a billion times worse than that. And yet, some of our very own leaders are so driven by their evil inclination that they're willing to throw their counterparts under the bus because their hashkafah, their outlook on Judaism and on bringing people closer to Judaism and to Torah and their creator differ. So because of that, I want nothing to do with this individual, unfortunately. That doesn't mean they don't love. It means their approach is different, but they love entirely just as much as you do, because they are spending their life trying to bring people closer. Since our children are also fellow human beings, the only way to bring them closer is with love. There's also an interesting conversation to be had around what does that mean to love a child? In our generation, it seems like too many parents are not willing to do the disciplining. They're not willing to make sure that that child is punished when they need to be punished, that they are given real perspective when it's required. What's more important for these parents in our generation specifically is being friendly with your child, not upsetting your child, because God forbid your child should get upset. You don't know how to handle it. You have no idea how to put that problem to bed because now my child is upset at me. I can't even imagine, especially from a divorced family. Do you know how difficult it is? Because now you have two parents vying for that child's attention. One wants it more than the other. And as a result of that, they want to be the cool parent. They want to be the friendly parent. And they will do the things that they're not supposed to do and they won't do the things that they're supposed to do, namely educating and disciplining your child in their formative years. And so as a result of that, you think you're loving them by being their best friend, you're not. You're actually hurting them by not doing the required discipline that a parent is supposed to do and that only a parent can do. You are setting your child up for failure. Somebody who loves their child disciplines their child. Somebody who loves their child understands that there's this thing called short-term pain for long-term gain. You have to teach the child right from wrong. And if you do it now, they'll know how to apply that later on in life. If you don't do it now, they'll be lost later on. And you know who's going to pay the bill for that? You. They're going to be the child living in your basement until they're 35 years old. They're going to be the people who are mooching off of you. They're going to be people who can't manage their own relationships, who are always going to be bringing their problems home, and you're going to be constantly trying to put out their fires because you're the best friend, right? You're not going to teach them how to do it because, God forbid, you should see them upset or struggling. So you'd rather take it on. It comes from a place of love, but it's wrong. It's not the right type of love. The right type of love is to teach that child to do the heavy lifting. A child who is loved is a child that will grow in self-confidence. He loves himself and believes in himself. For these are the traits that become the basis of a good character. That broken home that's a result of parents that are always at each other's throats, that are always fighting and bickering, those children will always turn out to have so many more problems, emotional problems, character problems, relationship problems, problems getting connected to a creator. Oftentimes, why? Because it was a broken environment. There wasn't love there. The parents loved themselves more than they loved their children. And so oftentimes, and I've seen it, parents will use the children against each other. They will send derogatory messages from the child to the parent. Tell your mother X, Y, and Z. Tell your father A, B, and C. And it's all negative. And the child doesn't know any better. The child just thinks he's doing what the parent wants him to do. Do you know what happens to that child when they grow older? Hatred, resentment, and inability to adjust to societal norms. Everything that society accepts as being good and true, they see opposite. They think that sweet is sour and sour is sweet, that black is white and white is black. They see the world opposite. That's why we have so many people today like that, that they can't get societal norms straight, especially in this generation, the younger kids. And on top of that, all of the difficulties that came from COVID, this generation has got serious challenges. They don't understand societal norms. And that's why the older generation, even my generation, is looking at this and going, How are we going to succeed? How are we going to function in this new world order? Because these kids no longer know right from wrong. Why? Because they weren't loved. Very simple. They had parents who didn't teach them correctly because they didn't love them enough, or they loved themselves more than they loved their children. It's hard to see at the time. It's very hard because you're busy trying to survive. You're busy trying to save a marriage or to save your family. And in doing so, you don't even realize that you're actually doing the opposite. When this child's soul is happy and healthy, he has the power to give to others the exact opposite. They can understand others and they can yield to them because they understand healthy relationships. A person who doesn't have these capabilities that were attained by virtue of parental love won't act with courtesy and consideration towards other people as such. Parental love is the key to a child's success in every area of life, his entire lifelong. What's the problem? The problem is that every generation that we continue to parent in the wrong way contributes to this vicious cycle. In other words, if my parents were part of this society where they didn't know how to love their children properly, how to discipline their children, and were more concerned about being friendly or about being dictators, right? About being drill sergeants, raising their children like they're training a dog on command, sit, stay, treats, or, God forbid, hit them with a stick, right? Parents who come from different parts of the world, that was considered normal that you would discipline your child through violence. So if you're part of that generation, then it gets perpetuated, meaning it goes to your children, and then your children learn from that. They grow up in the ways that I just mentioned. They have children, and it becomes exponentially worse. Now we're into a vicious cycle that needs to break. How it's going to break? There's only one answer, my friends. It's Torah. You have to take that individual and stop, break the cycle, break the chain by injecting emuna, by learning that there is a God, by learning that there's a creator, by learning that he gave us a manual, by sitting down and learning from that manual and integrating those lessons into our lives, changing the very fabric of who we are and becoming the best versions, including parents and spouses. That's how you break the cycle. Society is not going to help you break it. Do you know why? Because society was impacted by all of these things. They were devoid of Torah lessons. They didn't have all of this priceless wisdom. They shunned it. Remember, separation, we want religion here and government here. We don't want God in schools, take away prayer. They shun religion. So you're not going to get these ideas from secular society. So if you think they're going to help you, good luck. It's only going to get worse. That's the vicious cycle that you're plugging into. If you want to break that cycle, if any of this is sounding familiar to you and you, God forbid, see this happening in your own family, or you know this happened in your family when you were growing up, then it's time to stop the cycle. How? Get yourself a qualified rabbi and sit and learn every single day, even if it's 15 minutes a day, ideally longer. But even if it's 15 minutes a day, it should be like oxygen for the body. It should be food, because it is food for your nishamatma, for your soul. It's not physical food, it's spiritual food. If you don't have it, you starve out your nishama, you starve out your soul, and your soul doesn't know right from wrong, and it ends up playing with your head because the soul, we said many times, resides in the head. Let's leave it over here, my friends. It's Shabbat, thank God, T G I S. Thank God, it's Shabbat. We're going right into it from Tishab'Av. You could take the impact, the meaningful lessons that you learned during Tisha B'av and bring them with you into Shabbat. This is called Shabbat Nachamu. It's one where we're consoled. Hashem says, It's okay. I know you were sad. I know you listened to some hard-hitting stories. I know that you reconnected back to that sense of sorrow. It's okay. I'm going to bring you out now. The Shabbat, after Tisha B'av is one that's filled with joy and optimism. And the road forward, it's open as long as we're here and as long as we are above ground, we have that opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. So Hashem says, this is your opportunity to gain new perspective, to take all of that learning and now inject it, use it as fuel to be able to move forward and to reach new heights. That's it for today, my friends. We'll chat again on Sunday. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.