Episode 166 - Why You Must Prioritize Yourself Before Your Child

The secret to avoiding divorce and raising resilient kids? It’s simpler than you think. Here’s what truly matters:

Are we really doing enough to guide our children during their formative years?

Drop a  if you believe in the power of Torah and Emuna in shaping a better future.

Many parents miss this crucial step: learning from past mistakes and turning them into lessons, especially in today’s fear-driven generation. Kids are terrified to make decisions, afraid of failure — but mistakes are our greatest teachers.

The real key? Internalize each experience, work on your character, and let your actions speak louder than words. When you improve yourself, your children notice—and they follow.

Are you ready to become the role model your kids need? Remember, real change starts with you.

Despite everything, prayer and Torah learning can transform even the hardest situations—so keep faith, keep praying, and keep growing.

What’s one small step you’ll take today to be a better example? Share below  and tag someone who needs this reminder!

#emunainaction #growthmindset #JewishWisdom #ParentingWithFaith #lifelessons 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're on a plane, right? And God forbid there's a problem and the oxygen masks fall down. Who do you have to put the mask on first? Not your child who's sitting beside you. Because if you've worried about them and it's cost you your life, then that child is on his own to figure out life. First, you put your mask on. You make sure that you're capable and that you're alive and that you exist to be able to continue to guide that child in the path of life. And then you put on their oxygen mask. The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life. Good morning, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Trust Factory Podcast. Tonight is Tishabb. It's that day that I was telling you about. It's a day of mourning. A lot of bad things, tragedies in the nation of Israel, took place on Tishabb, including losing the two temples that we once had in Jerusalem. That now, when you look, what do you see? You see a mosque that was built on top of that. Think about that. Tonight is the night where we remember that time and the tragedy that befell us. We have to remember it in order to keep it alive. And remember, I told you that we have to mourn, but it's not easy. You can't say to somebody, start crying for something that you don't know about. Start crying for something that you didn't experience, that you don't get. It's very difficult. It's very difficult for us to cry, even for the things that we understand and that are close to us sometimes. So we have to try and put ourselves in a situation that is similar. Remember, you've given your entire life over to your children and to your family, and suddenly, not only do they not have it anymore because they don't merit it, but they've become used to it. They've become accustomed to living without it. It's become their new normal. That is the tragedy of where we're living today, where secularism is our new normal. The further we get away from Mount Sinai, the more we get attached to this idea of secularism and we forget about God. Just look, this whole idea of separation between church and state, this idea of taking God out of the schools, these are new concepts. They've only been around for a short period of time, relatively speaking, where they've removed God from the classroom in your formative years when you're trying to teach children the difference between good and bad and right and wrong and putting them into a system that protects them, one that allows them to grow and gives them clarity and understanding and purpose. Take it away from them. Why? Because the few that don't agree with it, well, that few in number have grown. And when do they give you the Torah? When do they reintroduce you to this concept of godliness? When you've hit rock bottom, when you find yourself in, God forbid a jail cell, a prison somewhere, or in a really bad place, Alcoholics Anonymous, these principles of Torah and Judaism and godliness only reappear. Suddenly they give you the book and say, maybe you want to try reading this. Why are you giving it to me now? I'm 30, 40 years old and I've hit rock bottom and I'm in a prison cell probably for a very long time. And now you're coming to me with this book. This book could have changed my life. It's the same thing with the Garden of Amuna. This is Torah. This is a life-changing book. It changed my life and many other lives. But you gotta read it. You gotta read it. And on that note, let me tell you about an individual who read The Garden of Peace. Now, I spoke to him yesterday. He doesn't remember if he read it before or after the divorce, but certainly at one point he read it. And after reading his story, it might be that he read it before. And that's great because it's one thing to read and it's another thing to implement. This individual who's a listener to the podcast reached out to me yesterday and said, I'm listening to the podcast and I'm reminded of my own divorce. And I'd love to share with you an article that was written about my divorce in a very popular magazine, Mishbacher magazine. And he sent it to me. It was divorced 15 years ago. I'm going to post it in the WhatsApp group that we have for the podcast when we're done today. Have a read, and you will be blown away because you may have been listening over the last couple of days while I'm telling you about how to negate yourself and how to do the right thing and how to worry about your children and your spouse and be a mensch, be a responsible gentleman, right? And you're thinking to yourself, what is he talking about? He has no idea what I'm dealing with, what she did to me, all of the negativity. This is an individual who was married for a short period of time, had a number of children with his wife, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, I'm sure many can relate, I'm sure there were signs along the way, obviously some of them were missed, but seemingly out of the blue, I want a divorce. I'm done. I want to get, which is the Jewish document of divorce. And he didn't understand it. He could not connect. Why? And she wasn't hearing the argument. She had made up in her mind, I'm sure you're familiar with these types of individuals, where they make up in their mind they've already sold themselves on this idea of divorce, and there is nothing that you can say that will change their mind. There is nothing that you can say or do to even reignite the conversation. It's over. It's a done deal. But where was a discussion? Where was a debate? None of that. I want a divorce. And they had multiple kids at this point in time. And she decided on top of that to take the kids and move back halfway across the world from Israel to her home country and leave the father, the husband, behind in Israel. And despite the fact that he had his rabbis and his support network in Israel supporting him and backing him up 100% in his choice to stay in Israel and have her stay with the kids, which was well within his right, he made a conscious decision on his own to say, no. It is more important for me that my children grow up in a peaceful, normal environment. That was his goal. And as a result of it, he said, whatever she wants, she should get. My number one priority is that their mother is happy and content, fulfilled all the way through, that they have as normal a childhood as humanly possible. And that came at a very, very high price. I want you to read the article. It is a masterclass in exactly what we've been talking about. This concept, the book by Rafsholom Arush called The Garden of Peace, and I think the other one is The Garden of Wisdom, the Woman's Version. Those are two books that if you are married in on the rocks, it will save your marriage. Obviously, the final result lies with you, how much you're willing to implement from what you read. But those two books, if there were ever publications that were going to change your life and save your marriage, that's one. And if you're not married yet, you should still read them because that's going to set up the platform, and we're going to get into that in a second. So let's read a little bit, my friends. We were talking about life goes on. Educate yourself on how to behave so that your children could learn from your behavior because we know that children are sponges. In their young years, they look at their parents and they become mirror images of who their parents are. That is something that blows my mind often, genetics. I look at kids, not just the physical similarities, not just that you're looking at a miniature version of the parents so many times. They're spitting images of their parents, but also in their behavior, in their voices, just the way they sound. It's crazy how much they are like their parents. So that is an important lesson for us to be able to learn that whatever we do, our children are going to emulate. It starts and stops with us. We left off with this concept of prayer that if God forbid you find yourself in this situation where the wife is gone with the children, that is your primary tool to pray for your children's success. And that's exactly what this individual did. If you read the article, you'll see that was one of the tools at his disposal. And it says over here, again, in common fashion, he gives us the words that we can use. He says, this is what a father should say who is now forced to live without his wife and his children. He says, Master of the world, even if the children were still under my care, I would need to pray for your mercy that they should grow up properly. Even parents who have a beautiful, wonderful, caring, loving environment, and the parents are role model parents, they still have to pray for their children. It doesn't take much. You can raise your children in the right way every day. You could put 110% into their success and well-being, and it only takes one interaction, one meeting with the wrong person, the wrong influence, and that child does a complete flip. What happened? I kept them sheltered. I kept them in an insular community. How is it possible? They didn't even go to school with the opposite sex. They were surrounded by rabbis, qualified teachers who loved and cared about them and gave them everything and poured their hearts and soul into them. I spent top dollar, I worked like a slave to make sure that they were educated in the right environments and were surrounded by the right circle of friends. It only takes one interaction, my friend. And today it's so easy to run into the wrong people, even within those circles. People who weren't guided properly by parents who weren't role model parents. And that ends up influencing your child. So we're always praying for them. Even when it's a wonderful environment, you're praying for. You know, in this in this article, he talks about what spurred him on to write this article, or I guess to contact the magazine. And it was sitting in a Torah class and listening to a rabbi give a lecture on marriages that had failed. And he was talking about raising the children of those types of relationships. And he referred to it as children who were coming from a broken home. And that got this individual upset. It made him stir because he understood that what he was doing was the exact opposite of a broken home. He was sacrificing everything to make sure that these children could be raised in an environment that wasn't broken. And that comes to teach us that you can even have parents who are staying together for the sake of the children. You have parents who are at each other's throat all day long. All the children are exposed to is hatred and animosity and filthy words and disgusting behavior by their own parents. What do you think they're going to do? They're going to emulate that behavior. They're going to be corrupted by that very same behavior, by the very same people who were supposed to shelter them and provide them with a secure place and a safe place and a comfortable place, are the very same people who are destroying these children's lives. So you can have a home where the parents are married and staying together for the sake of the children, and that is the broken home. Not the one that this individual provided, where he said, absolutely not. Under no circumstance do I want, if I can help, that my children should not be exposed to this instability. I'm going to do everything I can, even if it means sacrificing my own comfort. And that's exactly what he did. So broken does not mean divorced. Broken can mean a couple that stays together, a family unit that on the outside looks like it's well put together, but really that could be the broken one. So what do we do? We learn. Listen to what it says. I would need to still pray for your mercy that they should grow up properly. And now that they aren't in my care, I'm placing them in your hands, God. I believe that wherever they are, you are watching over them. Please have mercy on them and instill in their hearts to follow the right path. Keep them away from bad friends. Very big one. Give them good friends and bring them close to you. Let them find favor and grace in your eyes and in the eyes of all who see them. Fill their hearts with pure and simple Amuna and help them to grow up with good character traits and lead upright, righteous lives and so forth. Happy is the one who lives his life with perfect faith. That is an Imuna relationship. That is an approach to your family that is built on Amuna. When you don't have your kids, and even when you do, you're constantly praying for their success because you understand that no matter how much you try, it doesn't take much for them to go, what's called alpha derich off the path and find themselves in a world of trouble. Child education. This is what we just spoke about. Being that mirror for your children to emulate. I want you to listen to this example. It says, A couple once asked a great rabbi, Rabbi Israel Mayor Kagan from Raddin, to bless their newborn baby, that he should grow up to be a righteous scholar. What did the rabbi do? The rabbi asked them, Why are you coming to me so late? What do you mean? Why is it late? The child was just born. The couple were bewildered. Obviously. What do you mean by late? The baby's only a month old. Rabbi Kagan told them that they should have come to him twenty years earlier. What do you mean? Twenty years earlier, they were only toddlers, never mind parents. The rabbi was in effect telling them that they won't be able to give their child anything that they themselves do not possess. If they want the child to grow up to be an upright Torah scholar, then they must be sincere, upright lovers of Torah, who do their utmost to observe Hashem's commandments. Is it possible that you could not be a Torah scholar and have a child that's a Torah scholar all day long? All day long. But there's a caveat. The more you prepare, the more you yourself are like that, the more natural the potential for that individual to become a Torah scholar. But if you're not, when that child is born, you can still become. That's the lesson. Yesterday you weren't a Torah scholar. Today you started learning, you became a Torah scholar. And so the child will get to see that as they grow. If you're capable, that's the caveat. Are you capable of changing your life to become a Torah scholar so that your child can benefit from it? And that's what he says. The couple frowned. Obviously, they were disheartened. The rabbi said, Don't worry, it's okay. He consoled them. And he said, I want you to internalize this idea. If from this day on you do the very best that you can to polish your character traits and grow in your love of Torah and your awe of your creator, your reward will be doubled. Number one, you will see success in your own lives, and you'll derive gratification from all of your offspring who will grow in the path of righteousness. Why? Because the foundation of educating our children is us and our behavior. It says educating ourselves. Start with yourself. It's like you're on a plane, right? And God forbid, there's a problem and the oxygen masks fall down. Who do you have to put the mask on first? Not your child who's sitting beside you, because if you've worried about them and in that it's cost you your life, then that child is on his own to figure out life. First, you put your mask on. You make sure that you're capable and that you're alive and that you exist to be able to continue to guide that child in a path of life. And then you put on their oxygen mask. When a mother is nursing a child, what should she do if she's starving and the child is starving? Should she feed the child first and then go feed herself? No. She needs to take care of herself first, fill herself up, satiate herself, make sure that she is in a relaxed state of mind so that she could feed the child with love and compassion and not in a rush and not from a place of hunger so that she should suffer and then, God forbid, maybe harbor resentment. You have to make sure that you're built up first if you want to have any chance at success of building up your children. We therefore can properly educate our children only after we have educated ourselves. And that, my friends, happens to be what you're doing right now. So congratulations, because you're only going to impact those around you, including your children, that much better. I want to wish everybody who's fasting that they should have an easy fast and that it should be meaningful, and that you should be able to, on this night, connect back to your creator, the sorrow that he feels. There's a time to be sad. There's a time to be happy. Tonight is a time to be sad. Tonight is a time to reflect. And then tomorrow, God willing, after the fast, we'll all come out with a newly found sense of happiness, enjoy it moving forward. I wish you a meaningful Tishabav and we'll speak again on Friday. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.