Episode 170 - Money's Fragile Hold on Relationships

Drop a 💡 if you're ready to rethink the whole idea of marriage and purpose.

We’re often taught to dream about that fairy-tale wedding, but what about the real journey?

It’s not about finding the right person immediately—it’s about becoming the right person first.

God doesn’t just want us to rush into marriage; He wants us to build ourselves up, character first.

When you focus on developing your inner strength, you’re creating a vessel that's truly ready for blessing.

Trust that everything happens in its perfect time—your soulmate is part of that divine plan.

So, instead of waiting anxiously, ask yourself: how can I better myself today?

Worth pondering.

What’s one area you’re working on to become more “ready” for your soulmate?

Comment below! 👇

#Emunah #selfgrowth #divinetiming #trusttheprocess #soulmatejourneyempath 

Transcript

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You could spend fifty years knowing somebody, never have to deal with anything financial, and it's a wonderful relationship. But suddenly a situation comes up where that person has to give up their hard-earned dollars and they lose their mind. They become somebody different. That's what happened. All of a sudden, Flick Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, who is this person? Why? Because it came to the number one evil inclination you tried to get into their pocket, and suddenly you realize that they're willing to trade anything, including you and your relationship with them, for a few dollars. And now you want to suggest that that's the holy grail, that that's what's going to make you happy. Come on, it doesn't make any sense. The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life. Welcome to another episode of the Trust Factor Podcast. Yesterday we spent a lot of time talking about this concept of marriage, of finding your soulmate. You know, when kids, specifically girls, are at a young age, they fantasize, they dream about their wedding. They dream about the day where they meet their handsome prince, and he walks her down the aisle and she wears this beautiful white gown. It has to be picture perfect. And so she grows up looking for her soulmate. Man, not so much. But still, once a guy gets to a certain age and he realizes how important it is because all of his friends are getting married, and he was raised at home by a father and a mother, he understands that there is this standard, this family unit that is critically important, that a child needs to have a father and a mother, and the influences that come from each one of those. So we start thinking about getting married, getting our life on track. Now, that's great, very important. First mitzvah was pru urv, which means that you should be fruitful and multiply, meaning to say, get married and have children. That's the right way to live. So the problem becomes, like we said yesterday, when you're thinking about your soulmate, specifically for the women, because they've got that image of who their husband is going to be in their mind, and they want to fulfill that image. Does it always happen? No. Or it happens, but not the way that you thought it was. And you only realize that later on. So the problem becomes when we put our lives on hold because we're waiting for our soulmate. It says over here that what we need to do is pray, like it says in every other situation. Stop and pray. Recognize I feel like I'm deficient right now. That may not be the case, but I need clarity. So you're not necessarily praying to God to say, give me my soulmate. Time is ticking. I needed to get married a long time ago, according to my knowledge. I needed to be married a long time ago because my friends are all married and because of all these other reasons. You're praying to God to say, give me clarity. Let me know what I should do now that I'm not married, before I get married, in order to prepare for that. And we talked about the vessel, about how important it is to build yourself up and reinforce yourself and plug all the holes and seal the cracks so that when the blessings come, including a soulmate, you're able to make the best of that situation. You're prepared for it. That's what you're praying for. God, make me a solid vessel. Help me become a solid vessel. So it says that someone who ponders his mission on earth doesn't rush into marriage. Everything has its time. You don't know what that time is. None of us do. We feel like we're ready, but are we really ready? It's the same idea when we want to receive the millions and the billions. I'm ready now, God. Okay, you can send it now. I'm ready. What you're really often saying is I've hit rock bottom. The bills are piling up. Now I'm ready to receive it so I can pay away all of my difficulties. No, he doesn't want to give you an easy way out. Figure out how to get yourself out of a jam when you don't have the resources. Figure out that the money just makes things easier, but that does you a disservice sometimes because it doesn't give you the opportunity to build yourself. Build your own character, dig yourself out of a hole without handouts. That's what he wants. Once you've established that you can function, that you can navigate this world when things are difficult, then he can make things easier for you also because that's character building. If you haven't developed your character enough to get you out of those gems, and he gives you the money to make it even easier than it already is, he gives you the way out every single time. He's not helping you. It's just like a parent who tries to solve all of their children's problems that God forbid their child should try and solve their own problems. You're not doing your child any favors. You're not allowing them to become resilient. You're not allowing them to figure out how to problem solve because money is a problem solver in and of itself. Somebody's bothering you, they want this, that, and the other thing. Write them a check and they'll go away, right? Get rid of my nightmare. This guy's coming at me because I owe here, there, and the other thing. Write a check, goodbye. Let them suffer a little bit. Let them sweat a little bit. So now you have a situation where you have parents who have wealth, a lot of wealth. And when children get married, they go out and they buy them homes right away. You've got a house that's completely paid for. You don't have to sweat. Are you doing the child a favor? Not often. It takes a very special individual to recognize what that parent has done for them, to recognize the gift that they've been given, and to still be able to overcome difficult situations. You're spoiling a child. And when you spoil a child, you're taking away their opportunity for growth. With Amuna, his life is full of contentment. His main incentive in getting married is his knowledge that he cannot attain true Amuna on his own. You're not getting married because you used to fantasize about it as a little girl, because your friends are getting married, because it's expected of you by your parents. You're getting married for this one simple reason that you know you've got a ladder to climb. You need to get connected to your creator. You need to build your amuna, and you have to achieve greatness in this world, and that the only real way for you to do it from this point forward is with a soulmate, with a partner. Now you recognize that you've gotten to that point. Up until now, you haven't needed that. Now it's time for you to get married. That is a healthy outlook. Married life is the climate that stimulates a person to climb higher in Amuna. He therefore trusts the creator to send him his soulmate at the exact proper time. He knows. We don't think you do, but you don't. He's happy with his lot in life in any situation. This person earns a high score in Amuna. It says his life is already pleasant in this world. Your life is not miserable because you don't have the things that you want. And it's not just marriage, it's also money, it's also material, it's also health. Can you imagine that you should not be miserable if you're not a healthy person? If you're a person who, God forbid, is in and out of hospitals for the majority of their lives from a very young age, you should not be miserable. If you're a person who can't make ends meet financially every month you're struggling, you should not be miserable. If you're a person who can't find your soulmate and can't get married and have children and start a family, you should not be miserable. On the contrary, the exact opposite. You should be grateful that you don't have the money to pay the bills. Because if you did, you wouldn't be able to work on your character at the time. God put you in that situation so that you could become a bigger, better, stronger person, so that you can weather the storm because they're only going to get tougher. You should be grateful when you don't have a soulmate. Why? Because you don't have the distractions, because you've got so much more to achieve on your own as a single individual. Work on your character, refine who you are. Now you have time to do it. When you get married, you have to focus on the other person. They have needs. And now you have to cater to them and work on a relationship where you're now satisfying other people that takes time, it takes energy, takes resources. Those resources are oftentimes a distraction from working on yourself. When you're single, it's all about you. You've got all the time in the world to grow, to learn, to do different things, to experience life. So be grateful. I don't have a soulmate right now. They'll come. When the time is right, when I've worked on myself enough, they will come. And the same thing applies even, God forbid, when you're held up in a hospital. God put me here for a reason. It's a time for introspection. It's a time for me to withdraw from the craziness, the rat race, the constant distractions in the world of the work and the bosses and the coworkers and the taxmen and the wife and the children and all of these distractions that are pulling at me that I don't have time to contemplate my life and every move that I'm making. So God plucks you out, even if it means putting you in a hospital and saying, no, no, no. You need to spend an extended period of time in this hospital bed, and you have to contemplate life. Maybe you have to write a book. Maybe you have to read a certain book. Maybe you have to influence the person in the bed beside you. Maybe you need to bring light to that situation for people who are suffering. There's a hundred different reasons why he could have put you there. But the bottom line is in every single one of those situations that we interpret as negative, they are really positives. How do I know they're positives? It's simple, guys. If you haven't learned it up until now, it's time to get with the program. The way that you know that it's a positive and not a negative is because there is a God who runs the world. There is a father that you have in heaven that, like your earthly father, loves you infinitely and is willing to sacrifice to see you successful. Only the difference is that the father in heaven is not limited by time and space. So the love that a father has for you in this world, as powerful as that is, or a mother, as powerful as those feelings are, they're limited because we're human. We can only love so much. We can only give up our physicality for that love. God is not limited by time and space. So his love and his passion for us is eternal. It is unlimited. He wants you to be happy and he has all of the resources. You might have parents in this world that love you unconditionally and will do everything that they can to see you succeed, but they themselves don't have the tools. They don't have the resources. They weren't fortunate to have millions of dollars. They were unfortunate enough to have only problems and be in and out of hospitals and have financial difficulties, all these different situations that can come up in life. Your parents are dealing with them. So their ability to give you is limited by what they have to share. They can't give you what they don't have. God has everything. Whatever you want, he has ample to give, more than you could ever need in this lifetime. And he's willing and able to give it to you. But you have to be prepared, because the opposite is true as well, like we just said. If he gives it to you and you're not worthy of it, if he gives it to you and you're not prepared to receive it, then by virtue of him giving it to you, he sinks you. He hurts you. Would you ever hurt your child? If you see that you put something on your child, a weight on their shoulders, and that weight is lowering them and dropping them down. They can no longer move forward. It's hurting them, it's killing them. What's the first thing you do? You remove that weight. And then you assess, maybe I gave it to them too soon. Maybe this is not good for them. Maybe I should withhold it until they've built themselves up enough. Until I can see that they're capable of managing it. So you give them drips and drabs in the beginning, a little bit, just enough to get through. But as you see that they're working on themselves, their character development, they're refining their outlook on life and they're building a connection back to you. And now they have real purpose and they're not being guided by a secular society that just wants them to do all the wrong things because they realize that the clock is ticking and that this life is temporary. Let's take as much as we can and he becomes a part of that system, then you give him nothing because you recognize that it's going to be to his detriment. But if he's building a relationship with you, then you give them all of the good things. Now, a lot of you are thinking, that means that if I'm not plugged into a system of religion and godliness, that I'm never going to have money. No, absolutely not. You see people who are godless, people who are atheists, people who are following the wrong gods, going against God, and he still gives them tremendous amounts of wealth. What does that mean? That means that wealth does not equate success. Material wealth is not the answer to all of your problems. Wealth can make things easier, but it can also sink you. There is a reason why they say that money is the root of all evil. Where do you think sayings like that come from? Just look around. Oftentimes, because it's the number one evil inclination, you could know somebody your whole life. You could spend 50 years knowing somebody, never have to deal with anything financial, and it's a wonderful relationship. You get along fantastically. Suddenly, a situation comes up where that person has to give up their hard-earned dollars, maybe it's a substantial portion, and they lose their minds. They become somebody different, somebody that you and I no longer recognize. What happened? I've known this person for 20, 30, 40 years. It was great. And then all of a sudden they flip Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Who is this person? I don't recognize them. Why? Because it came to the number one evil inclination. You tried to get into their pocket. And suddenly you realize just how fragile this individual is, and that they're willing to trade anything, including you in your relationship with them, for a few dollars. And now you want to suggest that that's the holy grail, that that is what Hashem wants you to chase, that that is the definition of success, that that's what's going to make you happy. Come on. It doesn't make any sense. I will show you people. I remember in my early days learning in Kala, where young Yeshiva Bachers would get married and then they would go and learn at night. And I would go after work and learn at night with them. And I met people who have next to nothing. Next to nothing at home. They're renting a small shoebox of an apartment. Their wife is taking odd jobs, babysitting here and there to be able to help pay the bills. They're getting a measly earnings from their cola, and they are the happiest people on planet Earth. Full of life. All they want to do is help other people. All they want to do is grow and help other people grow. And I'm thinking if I had 1% of their problems, I don't know if I'd be able to survive. I don't know that I'd be able to put a smile on my face. And these guys, all I'm looking at are constant smiles. Why? Because they have their heads on straight and they understand that everything will come in its time. Right now, it's a time to struggle. Right now, it's a time where financial success eludes me. No problem. I'm going to focus on what I have, which is the opportunity to learn and to grow and to help other people, to bring children into the world, to figure out the lay of the land. Later on, God will see that I'm on the right path and the money will come. It always does. You see very few people who are running around trying to find a meal in this day and age. The money always comes. It doesn't mean you need to be a billionaire in order to be happy and successful. What you need to be is happy with your lot in life. Live well within your means. That's trick number one. Live well within your means because that will allow you to be able to be happy with your lot in life. What about this? Another test in choosing a soulmate is what? A person with common sense knows that he can't possibly know who is designated as his soulmate from above. How do I know? How do I know if it's my neighbor? How do I know if they're not sitting in Israel or in New York or in Los Angeles? I have no idea who my soulmate is. He knows that he can't truly know the character traits of the person that he's now met until they're living together as one in marriage. He therefore doesn't attempt to investigate too deeply, yet depends on the creator and says, Master of the world, you know that I can't possibly recognize who my true soulmate is. So have mercy on me and help me find a suitable mate. This, my friends, if anything, makes an unbelievable argument for this concept of matchmaking. A lot of people don't understand it is also the ultimate demonstration of having a Muna and your creator. I don't know who this person is that I matched up with. Now, today I might get a resume. I might see a picture. I might go on two, three, four, five dates and get to know this person on the surface. Maybe I've spent a total of a few hours with this individual. And now I'm going to commit to spending the rest of my life with this individual. It's crazy. The argument to that is that there are people, especially in today's day and age, who are dating for months and years at a time. Then they come and they live together. And do you know what happens almost every single time after they move in together? It's a few months or a few years at best before they get divorced. Why? Because you didn't know who the individual was. Everybody was putting on a performance, a demonstration of who they think you might want them to be, the best version of themselves. It's only after you move in together. It's only after you face the difficulties and the challenges together that you realize who you've matched up with. So you think, oh no, it doesn't make any sense to matchmake. I don't know the person. You don't know the person, even if you've been dating them for years, because you haven't moved in with them yet. You haven't made a commitment to them, a binding commitment. You haven't had children with them yet. You haven't faced the challenges of life with them yet. You don't know how they're going to respond. You don't know in what direction they're going to grow or which direction they're going to go. You have no idea. But when you understand that this is a transaction, right now it's a transaction. I need to know what direction are you going in? How do you want to grow? Are we going to be able to grow together? How would you face these challenges? These are the conversations that people who are getting married through matchmakers are having. So they're going in eyes wide open to the best of their ability. But even then, they don't know until they actually get married and make that commitment. And that's why it says over here, very clearly, that you have to pray to your creator. I don't know who this person is. I only know what they allow me to know. And they only know what I allow them to know. Please, Hashem, give us clarity. Allow this to work. Make sure that I'm meeting the right person. And then in the end, we will jive. Love grows. Love is something that you work on, something that develops over time. When you see the beautiful character traits of the individual and you see how they respond to these situations, that is what helps you to fall more and more in love with the individual. That will come with time. And the the proof is in the pudding, my friends. Just look at the statistics. Is the religious world completely perfect? Absolutely not. Do we have divorce? Absolutely we do. That's just the reality of life. It's very difficult to take two opposite people and put them together and have them build a future together. Very difficult. But the statistics are vastly in the favor of religious families. Their divorce rates are exponentially lower than the secular world and for obvious reasons. They're doing a lot right, my friends. Guys, people are hurting. If this is starting to make sense to you now, recognize that there are so many people out there who don't have this basic common knowledge. It's not common and it's not basic to so many people. Might be for you. I know it certainly is for me, but that's a gift. It's a gift. If you knew how people operated behind closed doors, if you knew how they raised their families, if you knew how they responded to their spouses, you would understand that so many people need this content. Please take a minute and share it. So many people are suffering out there. They need access to this. This is logic and reason. This is stuff that comes from our creator who tells you how to be successful in this life. Share it, my friends. If you care, you'll share. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts. Drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.