Episode 174 - Ego, Power, and Surrendering Control

Episode 174 -  Ego, Power, and Surrendering Control

Fear makes us micromanage everything.

Trust changes the whole game.

If this hit home, comment “trust” or tag the person who needs this remi#jewishpodcastsnder today. 🤍

We spend so much energy trying to control outcomes - kids, driving, flights, people, approval, money.

But the peace starts when you stop acting like it’s all on you.

Do your part, then let go.

Pray before you panic.

Accept “yes” and “no” as part of the same plan.

That shift is what turns anxiety into emuna.

Maybe that’s the lesson most of us keep relearning.

#emunah #thetrustfactorpodcast #FaithOverFear #JewishWisdom #mindsetshift 

Transcript

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It's all about ego. Today it's all about me and getting my way and getting one up on the other person. I got in, they couldn't get in. I'm trying to prove myself to all my friends and people around me who are watching. And if they say no to me, what an embarrassment. Imagine the power of the individual that says, thank you for saying no. There's no way in a million years that I should be allowed to enter into that building. I know who runs the world, and I asked him to get involved intimately. Now, if he's going to get involved even when I don't ask him, all the more so now that I'm asking him, please, Hashem, get involved in this situation and give me the eyes to have clarity on whatever the outcome is. Done. There's no more fear. There's no more anxiety. There's no more digging your heels in and trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. You understand that everything is absolutely perfect. The trust factor is the ticket to a bad life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life. My aunt's father who passed away last night in Israel. It should be Le Lui Nishmatol, Mordechai Ben Chaim. Let's get into it because there's a lot to cover off. Last week we gave examples, multiple examples, of how we get through life with a MUNA, as opposed to somebody who doesn't have a MUNA. We talked about parenting, helicopter parenting, micromanaging your children, putting them in a bubble. Do you know how many people, if they had the option of literally putting their child in a bubble to protect them from the elements, they would. And the further we get along in the generation where we lack our amuna, our trust and our faith in our Creator, the more we want to put our children in a bubble and shelter them because we're terrified. And for good reason, obviously, because we're brainwashed on a daily basis to think the world's coming to an end, because that's an easy way for the masses to be controlled through fear. But that's what they do. They utilize that tactic and we succumb to those tactics. So that's why they're very effective. Fear is a powerful tool. So they're busy brainwashing us day and night that if we just let our child out of the house, they may never come back. And so you're terrified. You don't sleep well at night, your anxiety is through the roof, and your child's not going to stop after a certain age. They're going to do what they want to do anyways. It's just going to drive you mad because you're constantly thinking about how you can protect them and how you wish that they were home and not outside of the home. That's helicopter parenting that's done by somebody who doesn't have faith in their creator. Then we talked about the person who won't get in the car when they're driving on the highway, or the backseat driver, right? Or the people who are constantly telling you to be careful and watch where you're going, eyes on the road, and you're too aggressive. All of their commentary because they're terrified when anybody else is in control of a car, or they themselves refuse to drive on the highway or on busy streets. Why? Because they're constantly living in a state of fear and they constantly want to be in a state of control. They think they're going to control whether or not they get into an accident. They think they're going to control the other drivers on the road and if that driver crosses over the median or not. That's what people really believe, that only they could control the outcome when they get into a car every day. That is somebody who lacks AMUNA. If this is resonating with you, if this is setting off alarm bells, that's because you need to work on your MUNA. Nobody is perfect, but depending on where you are on this spectrum, is an indication back to you of what you need to work on. Because as soon as you acquire that level of AMUNA, it doesn't matter the situation that you're in. It doesn't matter if you're in a car, if you're driving, if somebody else is driving, none of that matters. You have to give a basic effort. We've said that. So that means make sure that your children know how to drive. Make sure that you know how to drive in certain situations. If you're not a confident driver, get lessons. But once you've done that and you understand the rules of the road and you've gotten your job lessons and you've had lessons and you know you're a careful driver, get out and drive. Know that Hashem is watching over you. That's it. You've given your children a discipline and an upbringing, and you've told them the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. You've led by example. You have no reason to doubt your children. Let them go. Become adults. Let them grow and have their own experiences. Now we move into what happens when you're on an airplane. I was just there a couple weeks ago. I went on a flight, and on the way to where I was going, it was very, very turbulent. And I'm a guy who can stand turbulence, more so than most people, because I'm a private pilot. I got my private pilot's license 20 years ago. I was flying small airplanes. So I know what real turbulence feels like, but more importantly, I know what it's like sitting in the captain's chair. It's very different from being in the back of the plane. We understand these principles. But most people don't. It helps, but it's not bulletproof because I got my license 20 years ago. So today it still bothers me. When you're on an airplane and you go through violent turbulence, or worse, prolonged turbulence, because if it's just a small boat, comes and goes quickly within a few seconds, and it's smooth sailing after that, no problem. But when it's constant, you're constantly thinking to yourself, when is it going to end? It's already been an hour. It hasn't, it's been about six minutes, but it feels like an hour, right? When is it going to end? You're just counting down the minutes for this turbulence to stop. And the more violent it is, the more you find yourself praying fervently. This flight I was just on had a really tough patch of turbulence that lasted a few minutes, and everybody around me was in hysteria. The woman beside me grabbed onto her child really, really tightly, held on and started praying, covered her eyes and started saying the schema. The lady beside me, freaking out, started praying to herself, pulled down her eye covers and started praying to herself, was holding on with a death grip. It got scary. Our sages tell us that when a person finds themselves in such a situation where their anxiety is peaking, where you're terrified, you're nervous, you're very uncomfortable, you're scared. What do you do? You think about the day that you're going to die. How is thinking about the day that I'm going to die going to help me in a situation that's terrifying? And the answer is there's two things that somebody really needs to do or that happen as a result of that. Number one, you establish a relationship with your creator. I know he runs the world and I speak to him on a daily basis. And when I speak to him three times a day, I'm asking for forgiveness. The people on the plane who are more terrified than others are the ones who haven't had closure on their wrongdoings. If they're carrying around baggage with them, if they're carrying around their sins with them, if they haven't spoken them out and asked for forgiveness and received atonement, then what ends up happening is that turbulence terrifies them because now they're thinking, am I ever going to be able to make these things good? You may not be thinking about them right away and overtly, but they're there in your subconscience. And that's what's making you even more terrified than you would normally be. Because once you've got closure where you understand you've atoned for the things that you've done wrong, you're no longer carrying that baggage with you. And you're no longer worried that you're not going to be able to atone for those things. That's why they're praying on the plane. It's a form of atonement. Let me get it now before it's too late. When you're doing it three times a day and it's real, it's tangible atonement, it's tangible conversations and relationships with your creator, then that situation is mitigated. The fear factor is lessened tremendously. That's the first thing that has to happen is that you have to have closure. But then you have to remind yourself when it says think about the day you're going to die, it's a reminder because this world is going to distract you from that idea. They don't want you thinking that you're going to die at any moment. They want you to think you're going to live forever, that this life is eternal. It's not. And the older you are, you know more that life is a blink of an eye. That's what Hazal said, that life is keharif ain, which is the blink of an eye. You blink, and suddenly you're 50. Not long ago, somebody was telling me to enjoy my life because it's amazing to be 20. And before you know it, you're going to be 50 or 60. And we laughed at that. And today, I'm that guy. I'm the guy sitting in conversations with people, similar ages to me, saying, Do you remember 40 years ago? Do you remember 35 years ago when we did A, B, and C? I've known this person for 45 years. What do you mean? How are those words exiting my mouth? It seems like just yesterday, I was 20 years old. I'm already over 50. And you're going to blink again and you're going to be over 70. That's how it works. That's this life. So when you're reminding yourself that it's temporary, anyways, this could be it. And I'm okay with it if this is it. Because I've reminded myself every day that this life is temporary. So I condition myself to becoming okay with the day that I die, because one day it's going to happen. Not just to me, but everybody on planet Earth. That means all of my loved ones are going to experience the same fate. What? It's entirely up to God. It doesn't have to be 70, 80, 90 years. It can be 10 years, it can be one year, it can be 20 years. Everybody has their time. Nobody's going to escape that. So when you learn about that and you remind yourself that and you pray on it, then you become okay with it. So when we're up in an airplane and it's turbulent, I can handle that better than most people can. Why? Because I do those things on a daily basis. You could also do those things, and that will save you from situations that will give you perspective to understand and remind you that God runs the world and it is all temporary. I made peace with all of the things that I've done wrong in this world, and I'm doing the best to make myself better. And it also helps that I said tfilata derich. I said the prayer that we're supposed to say when we go on a journey, on a trip. I think it's called the wayfarer's prayer in English. It's Tfilata Dereth. It's that feeling, if you know what I'm talking about, where you just said a prayer, you're on a trip, you're going to some random place, you're probably the only Orthodox Jew on the plane. You just said this prayer, and now you know that you just added an additional layer of safety for every single individual on that airplane. They even got a clue, but you just gave them massively increased odds of getting to their destination safely. Why? Because you made sure that the creator was watching up for this flight and that prayer that you made. So I did it. I sent Filatadera. I spoke to my creator. I said, look, I can't get to where I'm going safely without you. I need your help. And that means everybody benefits from it. So when that turbulence comes, God runs the world. It's not fun, it's not enjoyable. We'll get through it. Hopefully, there will be another day. But if there isn't, I'm okay with that because I don't know when that day is. Let's move on. Remember, we've said the direction of a person wants to go, God has an obligation to take them. Listen to this. As soon as someone trusts in anything other than the Creator, he becomes subservient to the factor that he trusts. He gives an example. If a person thinks that he can only enter into a place if the guard lets him in, I'm only going to get into this place if I can smooth this individual. If I can find favor in this individual's eyes who's guarding the door, then I can gain entry. If not, then I'm stuck. I'll never get in. Right? So what happens? If he becomes subservient to the guard, then he'll try and placate the guard or to flatter him. And if he tries a different approach and threatens the guard, not really a smart idea, but who knows, some may try it. The creator will only harden the guard's heart so that the person will not be allowed to enter. But if the person believes that everything is in the hands of the creator, then first, before he even approaches the guard, before you approach any situation, the first thing you do is you pray. You have a conversation with your creator. I know you run their world. I know you're going to control what this guy does, good, bad, or otherwise. And I know at the end of the day, it's always good. So Hashem, I'd like to get in. If it's good for me, it should be easy. And if it's not, no matter what I do, he shouldn't let me in. That's the approach. He'll first pray to the creator and ask him to enter. If afterwards the guard allows him in, it's a clear sign that this is his creator's will. And if he isn't allowed entrance, then that too is a clear sign that God does not want you to enter. Switch it off. I'm done here. My job here is done. I'm not allowed to go in. I've made my effort twice, once with God, and then I went over to this guard. The guard said, No, thank you very much. Have a wonderful day, and you move on. Just as content as you would be if the guard said, Please come on in. It's the same response. You're just as happy for him telling you no as you would be for him letting you in. Think about that. Think about that. Today it's all about ego. Today it's all about me and getting my way and getting one up on the other person. I got in, they couldn't get in. I'm trying to prove myself to all my friends and people around me who are watching. And if they say no to me, what an embarrassment. Imagine the power of the individual that says, thank you for saying no. There's no way in a million years that I should be allowed to enter into that building, into that location. Why? Because I had a conversation with my creator. I know who runs the world, and I asked him to get involved intimately. Now, if he's going to get involved even when I don't ask him, all the more so now that I'm asking him, please, Hashem, get involved in this situation and give me the eyes to have clarity on whatever the outcome is, done. There's no more fear, there's no more anxiety, there's no more digging your heels in and trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. You understand that everything is absolutely perfect. He says, suppose that a person is meeting with a clerk or a bureaucrat. Maybe you go to the bank, you're looking for a loan, or you're going to an employment agency, you're looking for a job. If he thinks that the fulfillment of his request depends on the clerks or the bureaucrats, ah, it's the loan officer. I just got to butter this guy up. Do you know how many people operate like that? It would blow your mind. It blew mine. I never, ever in business, in 30 plus years of business, did I ever think to bribe anybody. Ever. And truthfully, even previous to my becoming about Jew and becoming an Orthodox observing Jew, it never dawned on me because I just never believed in the ability of humanity to do these things when they're not supposed to be done. To be able to get one up on the way that God runs this world. I always was aware that there's a God. I was just never observing. So in my mind, it was such an underhanded approach to life that just didn't seem right. And I never tried it. And then all the more so, as somebody who became an observant Jew, what a slap in the face to your creator. It's like you know the owner of the store personally. The owner of the store is your cousin. He's your father. Your father owns a store. Think about this. You have a store that sells Apple products. The Apple store is owned by your father. You can go in there, ask your father, and he will give you anything that you want. And instead, what do you do? You go to the part-time clerk who gets paid minimum wage, and you try and do a deal with him that he should do you a favor and set something aside when it comes in just for you or give you a discount on something. It is the most ridiculous approach to life possible. When your father hears that, he would think, what's wrong with my son? Does he not recognize that I own the store and that I'm his father and that he can come to me and get a billion times more than some random clerk that's here today and gone tomorrow is going to do for them? That's what happens when you try to bribe somebody. You're basically telling Hashem, I know that you don't exist. I know that you have no bearing on my income, on my success. I know that this guy over here who doesn't know me from anybody and has no responsibility and no commitment to making me whole or successful is going to do something for me. That's what you're telling Hashim when you're coming to bribe. When you think that you have to butter up these bureaucrats or these bankers to be able to get your way, you are operating the exact opposite of what this podcast has been teaching for a year and a half now. He says, What will God do? Because you're going against him, because you are doing the exact opposite of what he wants, so he will harden their hearts and the person will go away empty-handed. A father who owns the Apple store will say to the clerk, I know my son came to you. You're not going to give him one thing. And he's going to say that to every other clerk in the store. If my son comes and asks from you, say no or you lose your job. So now the son who's trying to circumvent the father thinks that everybody hates him. Why? Don't they know who my father is? How come they're not willing to do things for me? Why? Because the father made absolutely sure that these people know what they should respond to you when you come asking. You want something? You go to your father. He runs the store. He's the only one you should be speaking to. This, by the way, there's an idea that a lot of people don't have clarity on. That there are multiple gods. They think there are multiple gods because in the Torah, this word Elohima Kherim, these different gods appear oftentimes to suggest that there are other gods in the world. And while there are not other gods in the world, there are other powers in the world. God Himself put those powers in place. The sun has powers, the moon has powers, the stars has powers, fire, all the different elements. There are levels of power embedded in each one of those. That's why once upon a time, even giants in Torah worship these things, because they understood that God imbued these items with certain powers. Just like a boss hires an employee and gives them certain authorities. You can do this and you can do that. But at the end of the day, you're limited in what you can do. If it's outside of your scope, you come to me. Those powers are for everybody else to tap into. The Jewish nation is not allowed to tap into those powers. You go direct to your father. You've got a direct line into his office. You can walk in whenever you want and ask for whatever you want from the boss who owns everything. So when you go to the other powers, whether it's the moon, the sun, fire, stars, earth, water, doesn't matter, he says, What are you doing? I'm going to program those other powers to make sure that I harden their hearts and they can't do anything for you. You only come to me. Why would you go anywhere else? You have the creator who controls and manages everything and who loves you infinitely. Why would you think to go anywhere else? The only reason you would think is because you've never gone to him and asked sincerely and received and had eyes to see it and had a heart to be grateful. When you've been there and you've done that, then you will only go back to him. It's easy. Why would I bother with humanity? Why would I bother with a banker, with a politician, with a government employee? Why would I want to waste my time and energy and my nerves on that? Let me just come to the creator and controls everything. Tell him what I need and the outcome, whatever it is, I'm good with because I know that he signed off on it. Have an amazing day, my friends. We'll chat again tomorrow. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts. Drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.